Follow the Yellow Brick Road

"Just follow that one road the whole time!... I hope THEY don't get lost, I'm so bad at giving directions..." Glinda in Wicked.

Not sure why this has been on my mind so much... I think I relate this journey I am on to Dorothy's journey in the Wizard of Oz. There are twists and turns and some scary things and some things that make you smile. You meet interesting people along the way and you meet people that are mean and unsupportive. But most importantly, you follow this road to meet the goal you've set for yourself... Whether it's to find someone special, to lose half of your body weight or to find your way home is no matter. What matters most is that you follow the road...follow your heart and love yourself. "Just follow that one road the whole time!"

The past two weeks have been pretty busy. As I mentioned in my previous post, things at work have been...stressful. I literally come home and clean or cook or both and crash. My energy levels are much better than they were. I have really gotten into a groove with my eating habits. I did notice one day this week I didn't plan and had quickly grown tired of reheating leftovers, so I went to work with little snacks but nothing substantial to eat. Luckily there was soup in the cafeteria that day that I could eat. It was good and filling. But I realized that I need to have a plan each day. The biggest issue I have faced is not really wanting what I've packed in my lunch bag that day once I get to work. I know things will get better when I can have real foods because then I will be able to eat salads or grilled chicken in the cafeteria on those days I'm having the Lunchbag Blues.

I have made some pretty yummy recipes lately. My favorite was chicken & broccoli in Alfredo sauce (Bertolli's Light Alfredo sauce). Another favorite is the pizza. Mission tortilla shels come in Carb Balance. I added sundried tomato pesto as sauce, then mozzarella, Parmesan, feta, & pepperoni. Deliciousness!!!!

I went today for my B12 shot & the PA was pleased with my energy. I also had lunch at Firebirds with my team from work. I ordered wood grilled salmon with steamed veggies. It was yummy! This weekend I am spending time with my sister for her birthday. We just got back from Walmart where I got lots of fruit & stuff to make pizzas this weekend.

Unfortunately, I have been craving chocolate. We got some of the weight watchers English toffee candies. They hit the spot!

I wrote out some motivating quotes an put them on my mirror in my bathroom. If I feel rough or feel like giving up, I can quickly remind myself to keep going and try harder!!

Sorry it's been so long since I blogged. I really am trying to be better about it!!

For now... 41 lbs lighter,
Kell

Tarred.

Tarred? Yes. Tarred. Or as most spell it, tired.

My Granddaddy Wright was a Kentucky Hillbilly. He would answer the telephone "mmmmyellow". He had false teeth that he liked to keep in his pocket and fool us into reaching in for Werthers Original. He loved Hee-Haw, Snuffy Smith, NASCAR and Budweiser. He loved to sit under his carport and watch the tractors and cars drive by on what used to be a country road. He loved collards and chitlens and made the very best sausage and gravy I will ever eat in my life. And if you asked him, "how are you, Granddaddy?", his response was "Shooooweeeee, I'm tarred!!" And he would wipe his bald head dramatically with his hanky or bandana or paper towel, whatever the cloth of the day was. He was a good granddaddy. I reckon he was the funniest man I've known and I miss him a lot.

So how am I today? "Shooooweeeee, I'm tarred!!"

I got up this morning with a nagging headache. I gagged while taking my vitamins, one of which is redonkulous in size and I found out at the docs today that I should be taking 4x that amount....per day. I have to sit to dry my hair right now. Otherwise I don't have the energy to fix my lunch and walk Paris. Thankfully the 30 minute drive to work gives me the time to rejuvenate physically. Today, when I got to work, I needed a nap. I miss the days working at the RBC Plaza where we had "quiet rooms". I guess I could try to get access to the new mothers room, but there's one slight problem...I'm not a new mother. Oh well.

Speaking of the doctor, he said everything is on track. The vitamins are the new norm: B-Complex, D, Iron, Omega-3, B-12 injections, calcium, and I think that's it?? I can start gradually exercising. Oh and I've lost 33 lbs. Yay!!

Work is crazy. We have a HUGE project we are working on and it's stressing folks out. A lot of folks are leaving...some retiring, some changing jobs, others...well, I won't go there. I'm getting a complex. Two of them sit on either side of me... I try to remember my deodorant each day. Gosh, just tell me if I stink...

So by the end of the day, I was chugging along and never happier to pack up to go home.

Because, Shooooweeeee, I'm tarred!!

Kell

Migraines Drool, Energy Rules

It has been an interesting week... there have been ups and downs.  I have had good days and really bad days.  I always keep in mind that the worst is behind me (chicken broth, protein shake nastiness, etc.).  Now, I'm able to experiment with things much more.  I have had enough of the egg bites I cooked last week... too much of a good thing.  Bleh.  I haven't even brought myself to dump them out of the container they're in... they're in the fridge of course... but it just grosses me out to even smell them right now.  I've been noticing I get tired of things really quickly.  Maybe because I eat it multiple times a day... maybe because I still have such a sensitive stomach.  I'm not sure.

I have been working from home most of the week.  Some days were better than others.  Some days I slept during the day and worked at night.  It really just depended on my energy level.  I have found that if I take my vitamins early (when I remember to take them early), I tend to have a bit more energy during the day.

Friday, it hit me that I was returning to work Tuesday and my house was in utter chaos.  I mean, there wasn't an inch of kitchen counter space that wasn't covered.... seriously.  The dining room table/craft table/junk table was in rough shape since Christmas projects had been completed.  The Christmas decorations were still up.  Yep, you read that right.  I brought the boxes in and that's as far as I got.  The floors were in dire need of a conversation with the vacuum.

So, thankfully, I had some friends on standby to help and they sprung into action on Saturday.  My friends Karen & Adam came over and helped.  We got the Christmas decorations down (I say "we" loosely... I had to sit and rest several times), the kitchen organized, the craft table organized, the floors vacuumed and the horrid air filters changed out.  It was a productive day!  And I was completely exhausted!

That evening, after they had left and I was resting, I noticed Paris started twitching.  She was twitching in her face and her legs... it was happening every few seconds, but not like a seizure (that was my first concern).  It continued for about 15 minutes and I made her stand and walk with me, as well as sit and lay down and it happened the entire time.  I started to panic and called the on-call vet.  Apparently I woke him up, but I didn't really care.  He asked me a series of questions and because she was walking around with me and wagging her tail, he didn't seem concerned.  He thought it was probably an upset stomach (she had eaten some of my tuna earlier that night) and that the twitch was probably a pain reaction to the upset tummy.  He told me to give her Pepto and just keep an eye on her.

Meanwhile, my friend Wheela called back (I had called her before the vet because she is my dog guru).  She calmed me down and made me feel a lot better.  While we were on the phone, Paris had stopped twitching... then it started back.  I got her to come with me into the guest bathroom downstairs and shut her in.  I poured the Pepto in the measuring cup... she licked it and you should have seen her face.  It was like a kid tasting nasty medicine for the first time (I remember a full on fight with Lily over taking liquid medicine after she had her tonsils/adenoids removed).  So I had to pin her down on the floor and hold her mouth open with one hand and pour it down her throat with the other... she stood up, looked at me like "I hate you..." and then decided to shake............. Pepto............ all over me........... all over the walls........... everywhere!!!!  Once I cleaned that up, we sat down to rest again and she seemed to get better.  She finally fell asleep (after waking up every time she twitched) and the twitching stopped once she was asleep.  Was scary, but now I know what to look for.

Sunday, we laid around and were lazy.  I woke up with a migraine and decided not to do much.  It was a beautiful day and I was annoyed we weren't able to get out much, but I needed the rest.

Today I got up and showered.  I relaxed a bit until my friend Jill came.  We went to one store and then Harris Teeter to get some produce (Wal-Mart/Target are running slim on some of the produce these days).  When we got back to the house, I was wiped out!!  Jill cut up veggies for dipping and for cooking and helped me prepare several things.  I have Parmesan Garlic Spaghetti Squash, Baked Zucchini Chips, and Chicken Taco Chili.  It's all delicious!!  :)  And it will get me through the next few days of preparing my lunches for work and dinners.

Unfortunately, my migraine returned today.  I think they're happening more frequently because of my blood sugar ups and downs.  I'm hoping to get that under control better when I go back to work.   I'm hoping that I'll be on a more strict eating schedule at work and be able to eat on schedule instead of when I'm feeling woozy and feel like I need to eat or I might pass out, like I have been doing at home.

Thanks to everyone who has helped me with stuff over the past few weeks... it means a lot.  I am going upstairs to try on clothes soon because, well, I just have no clue what I'm going to wear!

So say a prayer for me tomorrow as I head back to the daily grind.  It will be interesting for sure!!

Kell

Black Hole

I have not posted in almost a week... it has been a really rough week.  As you can probably guess from the title of this post, I have been in a black hole of sorts.  I did too much, too fast... again.

This process is not easy.  There are constant decisions and constant choices to be made.  It's not all roses and confetti.  And it's hard to be happy and positive and energetic all the time.  Especially when you are malnourished.

I was bored this weekend and decided to go to my sister's house.  I spent Saturday night there and I was just not prepared for the exhaustion that was going to take over my every molecule.  Literally.

I had an OK day Saturday... I got some Wendy's chili (I am officially sick of it) on the way to Jamie's.  I ate that most of the day.  We decided to run out to Hobby Lobby for some additional craft stuff for a project that we took on that, of course, turned out to be a lot more difficult than it seemed (thank you, Pinterest).  By the time we made it to Walmart for ingredients for the dinner we had planned, I was at the point of no return.  I was dizzy, nauseous, sweaty, faint, dizzy, nauseous, shaky, dizzy, and did I mention nauseous?

We made it home and I chowed down on 1/2 a banana.  Jamie commenced to cooking my dad's recipe of Chicken Casserole (this stuff is amazingly good).  I had previously had all the ingredients, sans one... sour cream.  We got the light version of sour cream.  One of two things happened... I either ate too much too fast (I was feeling starved)... or I cannot tolerate sour cream.  Because the dumping syndrome ensued.  It came on with a vengeance.  I never had the diarrhea, but I had the vomiting, the dry heaving, the horrible cramping, cold sweats, etc.  It was not pretty.  This was the first official time I've had this... and I can tell you I don't want to have it again.  Ever.  Sour cream is something that most WLS folks can handle, so I'm not sure what the outcome of that will be.

That night, I didn't sleep well... I ended up sleeping in the recliner because I just could not get comfortable otherwise.  I used the heating pad on my stomach and finally around 6 AM went to the bedroom and crawled into bed.  I slept like a log until after 10.  I didn't eat much that morning... just couldn't seem to stomach anything and was a little gun-shy from the night before.

We decided to go to the Train Station to take pictures of the kids.  We picked out outfits and got them ready.  We stopped on the way to get something to eat.  The kids got McD's and Jamie and I got El Tapatio.  I can have refried beans and chicken, so I got my usual quesadilla with a side of beans.  It was so good.  I ended up eating 3 servings of it (my size servings).  We got some great shots at the Train Station and headed back to Jamie's.  I was wiped out.  I just didn't even want to drive home.  I knew I needed to get myself together and get home so I could rest in my own environment.

Monday was worse.  I woke up with a migraine, weak, dizzy, needing nutrition.  I just couldn't seem to get things under control.  I still can't drink protein shakes and I knew I wasn't getting enough protein.  I needed to go to the grocery store, but I did not have the energy or the motivation.  I knew I could get there and probably could get out of the store, but unloading the car was out of the question, much less putting things away.  So I didn't get much down on Monday.  I tried, but it just didn't work for me.

Tuesday, a friend came from RMT to help me.  She drove me to my doc's office in Cary to pick up my doctor's note for jury duty.  Then we got some Mexican, because I know I can eat it.  I sat there and stared down the tortilla chips.  I never ate one.  We just had a staring contest... I won :).  Then she took me to Walmart.  I had a list... it seemed to grow.  I drove the scooter (yep, I did... I ain't too proud) and she followed me around with a cart.  It was insane.  I bought tuna, beans, eggs, eggs, cheese, lots and lots of cheese, chicken, fish... if it had protein it went in my cart.  It got to the point where I was getting dizzy on the scooter.

We got back to my house and filled up all counter space with bags and bags of groceries.  We ran out of counter space.  Which means I have no where to put a lot of this stuff!  I got all of the perishables put away and then I had to take a nap.  It was draining.

I got up that evening and had some tuna.  The pre-mixed lemon pepper is delish... and I can eat the whole pouch and get 18g of protein.  It was just what I needed.  I immediately started feeling better.  Funny how that works, huh?  Reminded me of the day in NYC when I was protein deprived and stopped at Trump Tower for a chicken breast.  It was the best chicken breast I've ever eaten... even if it cost me $12.  :)

Today, I got up and had some cereal.  We can have cereal that gets mushy quickly.  Rice Krispies are my choice right now.  They have a tiny bit of protein in them, but the milk packs about 8g of protein.  I love cereal.  I really love Honey Nut Cheerios, but they have too much sugar.  I could have regular Cheerios, but the Rice Krispies will last me a while.  Then I had tuna for a mid-morning snack.  It did me a world of good.  I had a banana later this afternoon and a piece of cheese.  And this afternoon, I made these mini quiche bites that I have been drooling over on this blog.  They are pretty amazing.  I did get a bit of indigestion from the egg (like I did with the scrambled eggs), but they were good.  And filling.  I had 3 and then an hour later had 3 more.  They are very good.  I made 2 batches (the others were pizza bites).  I like them both equally.  They probably could have used more seasoning.  I went a little light on some of it because it seemed like an awful lot in both recipes, but it seems the egg soaks it up.

The depression over the past few days was rough.  I've finally climbed out of that black hole... it was dark down there.  I went through all sorts of things... feelings of failure, feelings of regret, feelings of just plain desperation... I cried and cried and cried.  Today has been much better.

I thought I would say "I'm turning the corner", but it occurs to me I've said that before.  I think the worst is definitely behind me... but I think I've got a lot of obstacles ahead.  It is going to be a daily battle to keep the protein levels up and the feelings of failure at bay.  I will keep on keepin' on.  I will do what it takes to make this work.  I have to.  I don't have a choice.

Sorry this is such a long post... and not quite as light-hearted as usual.

For now,
Kell

Pizza Bites on the left, Bacon & Swiss on the wright

Bad Day/Good Day

Yesterday... Bad Day...

Being excited about "the mushies", I decided to scramble some eggs yesterday morning.  Bad... bad idea.  I took 4 bites, chewed very well, did not eat very fast at all... and they stuck.  They stuck in one spot.  And it hurt.  Badly.  So for the next 4 hours, I was hurting.  I couldn't eat anything for a while, so I just relaxed.  I went to my eye doctor... got the normal lecture about wearing my contacts too long. I was hoping to get out of there cheap... ha!  Not gonna happen.  Although, I did find some AMAZING glasses.  I can't wait to get them!  They're so cool!

Although I found beautiful glasses and got my eyes checked (which the prescription hasn't changed, thank goodness), I had a nice little migraine from the dilation.


I decided yesterday afternoon that it was time to try a recipe from a book I have been reading.  Before & After – Living & Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery (HarperCollins Publishers 2007,2012) by Susan Maria Leach is both a memoir and a cookbook.  I found several recipes for this phase of pureed eating that I am excited about.  So I attempted a Pizza Bake, an alternative for pizza cravings.  It was fabulous!!  It consisted of marinara sauce, ricotta cheese, very finely diced turkey pepperoni, mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses and Italian spices.  It was SO yummy.  It helped make a bad day better.  :)

Today was a Good Day!
I did work for a little while yesterday.  I logged in and checked email... then I called in for our team meeting late yesterday afternoon.  This morning, I woke up later than I expected.  I haven't set an alarm in a few weeks, so I just didn't think about it last night.  I got up around 9 (that felt great!) and decided at the last minute to head into the office.  I wanted to go in and have lunch with some folks and take down my Christmas decorations at my desk.  I also just wanted to get out of the house!!  And I wanted to see how I would do with packing up things to take to eat, etc.  I was dressed, packed up, dog walked and out the door in an hour and eleven minutes!! I surprised myself!

Once I got to the office, I realized I should've probably taken it a little slower.  I was shaky and weak... but I hung in there until about 3:00 this afternoon.  After discussing my leave of absence with my manager and realizing that I either had to come back to the office full time next week or stay home and work next week, I have decided I will stay home and work from home next week.  That way I can make sure I'm not overdoing it and strong enough to go back full time the week I had intended to.  The doctor has officially released me, but I'm just not there yet.  I'm glad that I'm in tune enough with my body to know when enough is enough.  I came home this afternoon (after stopping for Wendy's Chili for a change in food for the night) and have been relaxing and resting since.

Work was great - everyone was happy to see me and seemed to think I looked brighter and perkier than usual.  I have this smile that I can't seem to hide.  I guess that's what happens when you're 28 lbs lighter and 1 1/2 sizes down... speaking of, I need to reorganize my closet this weekend... I hope I can find clothes that at least stay on long enough to make it through a work day!  Don't want to risk losing my pants while walking down the hall... I think that would be worse than a sharting event!!

I have a before/after picture.  The before picture is really bad...grainy and much like a mug shot... but it's the best I have for the side by side.  It was taken on Christmas Eve, two days before surgery.  The other was taken yesterday - the hair is different.  I don't really see the difference... but everyone else does.  I have a sweet friend that once told me that she can always tell I'm losing weight when my chin starts to become more pronounced.  Well, there it is... in all its glory.  :)

Well, speaking of resting, I am heading to bed.  

Thankful for so much today!  Managers and team members that are flexible with my need to heal, so many great friends that are so encouraging and of course my amazing family that has stood behind me this entire time.  

Good night, all!

Kell

Hi-ho, Hi-ho, It's Back to Work I Go!!

Well, sort of.  :)

I had my 2 week post-op today with the PA at my surgeon's office.  Surprisingly, I got out of bed, got ready and felt great when I walked out the door, rather than feeling the need for a nap like I have over the past week after just a little activity.  I drove to Cary, to the office and checked in on the 3rd floor, as usual.  I talked with one of the assistants behind the sliding window and went over my short-term disability forms.  While I was standing at the window, I noticed the nutritionist was in his office.  I asked if I could see him for a few minutes before or after my appointment.

They called me back to check with him.  I started asking him about protein and what I could do to substitute protein for the protein shakes.  I just can't even smell those things without dry-heaving.  If I happen to smell even the unflavored protein, I start getting gag-a-licious.  Seriously.  I am SO overly sensitive to smells right now, among other things.  I have a "Raspberry Sorbet" candle on my candle warmer and really feel like I'm going to have to throw it out... it smells like rotten fruit to me.  I remember being told that my tastes may change, but not my smells.  Does that make it a super power?  Amplified smells?  If so, what should my super hero name be?  Scratch & Sniff Girl?  Smelly Kelley?

Wow, I digress... (if you must know, I was envisioning a She-Ra type costume...)
So Patrick, the nutritionist, gave me some alternatives to the abhorred protein powders... I found the coffee flavored shake that I can drink, but it's got way too many calories and way too much sugar... so he suggested I use Carnation Instant Breakfast, mixed with skim milk, and add some Folger's instant coffee crystals.  Ha... who knew??  On top of that, instead of using the unflavored protein powder in creamy soups and "the mushies" (yes, that's what he calls this food phase... "the mushies), he suggested I use dry milk powder.  It has more protein than the protein powder.  Again, who knew??

Thankfully, he was able to give me some pointers and apparently was not at all surprised that I was having trouble with the protein shakes... guess I'm not the only one.  And I am also I'm one of the few that freaked out over the instructions and tried too hard to follow them exactly.  My Type A personality kicked in with a vengeance...

Once I was called back, I met with the PA, Sarah.  She's great.  She had called in some meds for me yesterday because I was having some pretty harsh pain when I ate.  She thought my stomach may be swelling, so I started prednisone last night.  Unfortunately, it was liquid and the gag fest kicked off again.  Today, she gave me another script for the regular tablets.  Whew.  She asked a lot of questions about nausea, how much liquid I was taking in, protein amounts, etc.  Based on my responses and the fact that I was feeling great at the time I was sitting in the office, she said I was doing amazingly well!

So based on that, I start back work tomorrow.  I talked with my manager and he wants me to take it slow.  I will start off working from home a few hours a day, as my energy holds up and then will head into the office for a few hours each day next week.  I am anxious to get back into a routine.  It's been nice to be home, but I'm going a bit stir crazy.

I did go get my hair did this afternoon... that was nice and relaxing :)  New year, new hair, new me!  After that, I stopped at Wendy's and got some Quality, Slow, Simmered Chili (that's what it says on the cup).  The chili is easy to mush up and packs some protein with the beans and beef.  It was delish!  No gagging!!  After that, I went to The Container Store... have always wanted to go... now I regret actually going.  Not only did I spend too much, but I thought I was going to have an Al Roker sharting episode while I was in there... Thankfully, I didn't.  But it was close!  The joys of having a tiny stomach.  "Never trust a fart" - Al Roker.  Oh how true this is... Maybe that should be my super hero name??  Shart Girl?

Ok, ok... so you're wondering what the weight loss was... I saved the best for last... Since December 18 (week before surgery), I have lost 26 lbs.  14 was lost prior to the surgery (protein shakes 3-4 times a day and lean and green diet (protein and non-starchy veggies).  The other 12 have been since surgery.  I ran into Dr. Bruce in the hallway and he said "you already look smaller!!".  I'll take that :)

So here goes nothing... my attempt to get back into a normal routine!  I can do this!!

Gag-tastically yours,
Kell

P.S.  Paris' paws smell like Fritos... and I don't even like Fritos...

Finally Turning a Corner

As of yesterday morning, I had not been eating much at all this past week.  I was getting in maybe 8 oz. of "food" per day.  It wasn't good.  I was not in a good place.  I was so nauseous and could not stomach anything but water or G2 (shocked that I found a G2 I can actually stomach).  I was starting to get weak, dizzy, and very fatigued.

I had an appointment with my Primary Doc on Friday as a follow-up to the surgery, so I drove myself to that.  Once I got there, I started feeling worse and worse.  It was pretty bad.  I thought I was going to pass out in the waiting room.  When I got in the exam room, I lost it... emotionally.  I knew I was NOT in a good place with this new lifestyle.

Enter my Primary Doc (she's fabulous!)... she had no idea I had just had gastric bypass surgery.  Seriously??  The surgeon said he was going to call her and let her know what was going on.  Not only did she not know, but she didn't have any of my records from the surgeon's office to reference for this particular visit.  Let's just say neither of us were very pleased with this development.

So throughout this appointment, we determined that the symptoms I had were probably happening because I had not been taking my anti-depressant since I came home from the hospital.  I have been on an anti-depressant for a couple of years now and I'm not ashamed of it.  I'm sure most of you reading this are either on one or have been on one at some time in your life.  Unfortunately, obesity can cause major depression and I had that compounded with some other personal issues.  But the fact that I had stopped taking it cold turkey and for a little over a week, I had basically hit the wall.  She told me the symptoms were exactly spot on with the withdrawals from this drug.  So I bought a pill crusher and started taking the anti-depressant again.  She also prescribed some nausea patches and good ol' zofran.  Zofran is a great anti-nausea med to take for immediate nausea.  Unfortunately, I was having chronic nausea and just could not eat anything, so the patches seem to be helping with that.

My family was starting to worry and my sister and nephew came to town yesterday and swore she was going to force food down my throat before she left.  She was worried I was going to pass out at home alone.  In fact, my nephew (6 yrs old) said "Khaki, you need to eat, because according to my questioning, you could pass out at home alone!!"  Haha, sometimes you need to hear the honesty from your favorite little people, even if they heard it from their parents. :)

We went to Wal-Mart and got some goodies for some different recipes I've read about in a book and came home and sister started cooking.  She made homemade veggie soup (minus the ground beef) and homemade mashed taters.  This did me a world of good.  I was able to eat servings of both before she left.  Also, I found a protein shake I can handle.  It does not exactly meet the nutritional criteria (a little more sugar than recommended), but I can get it down and I'm getting protein from it.  Close is better than no protein at all.

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and renewed and feel like I have finally turned the corner!  Yay!

I have not started back work yet - I have a 2-week post-op follow up with my surgeon's PA this week and will get back in the swing of things, whether I work from home or go back into the office.  I'm kinda wanting to work from home, mainly so I can keep up with the crazy schedule of eating, but I don't mind going into the office because I miss all of my friends!

I'm going to get out today and take a few walks... maybe longer than usual.  We'll see.  I'm just glad I'm feeling better!!

Shucks, I may even take down my Christmas decorations today!  Although I do kind of enjoy looking at them, so I could leave them up a little longer. :)

Kell