Untold Stories of the ER. Told.

I started this the day I got home from the hospital while it was still fresh in my memory but I kept falling asleep while typing. The stupid iPhone app doesn't save drafts like the web does. So here I go again...

So after a crappy week last week and a weekend working this past weekend, I woke up Monday morning feeling pretty rough. My stomach was really upset and I couldn't quite figure out if it was the Monday morning blues or a bug of some type. There has been sickness floating around the office in the guise of allergies and common colds. Every now and then, I hear someone's kid was up sick all night. So it's possible I had been hit with a bug. I went into the office and was pretty weak and hungry when I got there. I decided to go bland and get some grits and a dry piece of toast. Toast was not the best choice but it used to be my go-to to settle my stomach so it couldn't hurt. 

As the morning went in, I felt weaker and my stomach was cramping pretty badly. It started moving from my lower abdomen into my right upper quadrant. I ignored it until someone suggested I lay down. I was starting to feel feverish and couldn't focus. Things were getting pretty fuzzy. So my coworker got the "sick room" key and I laid down in the "bed" for a few minutes. Now don't even think that this is a bed. This is a hard table with a bit of an incline at the top so they don't have to use pillows. There was no sheet or mattress. Just a hard cushion.  I quickly realized this was not helping and laying flat made the pain worse. 

I got up and went back to my desk. We had some folks visiting that day and I was chatting with one of them when I couldn't catch my breath. Pain was shooting across my abdomen and I had not felt this pain before. I had to sit down before I collapsed. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain so this was around a 10-12 on the pain scale.  The rest is a bit of a blur and I remember someone asking if I wanted them to call the ambulance.  I quickly refused and my sweet friend Bonnie came over and offered to take me to the ER.  I normally would have driven myself or gone to my own doctor, but something felt terribly wrong.  

I recently had a visit with the surgeon that did my gastric bypass surgery and there was talk of some possible complications. I got a second opinion and decided not to pursue the tests and possibility of another surgery.  All of this flashed back in my head and I worried that I may have to discuss this again. 

So on the way to the ER I called my sister I let her know what was going on. And my friend Melanie. I didn't want to alarm my other friends and family so I kept it quiet. 

I arrived at the Wake Med ER and Bonnie dropped me off at the door. I gingerly walked in and walked through a metal detector. The security guard asked if I was visiting or checking in. I told him I was checking in (I could barely stand up straight) and he directed me to the front desk.  I waited for about 15 minutes in a line that was about 7 deep, most of which were also checking in. 

While I was in line, I observed my surroundings. I am a people watcher and this is a people watchers favorite place... When you aren't in the midst of the emergency.  There were quite a few people in the ER, which was split in two large sections by the door and the front desk. Behind the front desk was Triage. There were 4 rooms that were numbered accordingly. There was a door to the right of the triage area and then further down were the financial desks. Then there was another door. The nurses walked in and out of this door. 

There were people that were laid out in chairs, covered in blankets, some were completely covered, head to toe, with blankets. Part of me wondered if they still had pulses. There were families and people that were there alone. Some people were in pain, others were just waiting patiently. There were older people in wheelchairs. One was a "SOB" patient (shortness of breath). He was breathing into a mask as his worried wife waited next to him. 

As the morning went on, the pain started to subside, but I noticed I was really sore on/around my rib cage area. So I decided to make the most of this visit. I finally got called to Triage 2. I walked over and the nurse looked at me funny. She said "are you the patient?"  I said yes and then she weighed me (which, by the way, I love those scales!!). She took my vitals and then asked a bunch if questions I would be asked about 8 more times that day. 

There was a door in Triage 2 but I quickly realized that I wasn't going to make it through this door. I wasn't passed out on the floor, seizing or bleeding profusely. I'm not entirely sure those symptoms would've gotten me through that iron clad door. 

So after I finished with her, I peed in a cup and went back to the waiting room. After a couple if hours, yep a couple, I was called back to the next section of the ER. This is what I like to refer to as "purgatory". It wasn't the ER, it wasn't the waiting room. It was a place in between where you were forgotten. You aren't sick enough for the ER but we are are going to follow procedure. There should be a sign on the door that says "you can check out any time you like but you can never leave". 

I also had this misconception that when you go to the ER you automatically get a bed to lay on, regardless of comfort or level of sickness. They wouldn't just sit you in another waiting room...or would they???

So I am seated in a chair in the hallway. My friend Bonnie went back with me. I noticed my cell battery is quickly dying and I have no updates for anyone.  Finally Bonnie decides to go back to work. She had waited as long as she could and it was crystal clear I would be there for a while. 

I thought seriously about leaving and kept saying to myself, I've day here all this time, I'm going to be seen.

I finally got called in to talk with a doctor. Ok, a PA. but I didn't care. I was being seen. She asks me "are you the patient?"  *sigh* Apparently I was dressed too nice to be sitting in the ER as a patient. 

I told her what was going on and she typed notes into notepad on her computer. She misspelled quite a bit. I get annoyed at little things. This would've been a great time to ask for a Xanax. Hindsight is 20/20. 

She repeated everything I said and typed up everything verbatim. She decided she wanted to talk to the doctor but felt I probably had biliary colic. This is a fancy term for an upset stomach. I was not about to sit in that ER for another second if that's all this was. So after another hour, I told the nurse that I wanted to leave and she said I would have to talk with the doctor. I waited a few minutes and the PA finally came and told me I needed an ultrasound and some blood work. 

Threaten to leave and they order more tests. 

And I waited. There was bother waiting room in pergatory where you get stuck. You don't get a bed. They keep those open for really sick folks, apparently. Like ones with scraped knees and girls on their period. Seriously. And they send the contagious folks in the waiting room where I was sitting. 

This "waiting room" was at one time a two-bed room. There was a divider at one time and two sinks and two cabinets. They brought all of the leftover furniture in this room and called it a waiting room. 

People were put in this room (Room 46) and were forgotten. I got to the point where I was crawling out of my skin and had to get up and get out of there. I stood in the hallway and was stepped on and bumped into repeatedly. Do after a couple of hours I asked if I could leave again. They had to wait for the PA to be done with her patient. I finally saw her and told her I would rather follow up with my gastroenterologist than sit and wait. She said she had to talk to the attending doctor before she could let me go, so I had to wait again. Finally, a man rolls up with a wheelchair yelling "Wright for ultrasound!"  

Praise God I didn't have to sit in that waiting room any longer!!

So he wheels me off to ultrasound. On the way, we pass through the REAL ER. What the what???

This place is packed!!  He told me there were 170 beds that were full. They had multiple traumas that day and there were beds in the hallway that were full. It was crazy!!  I was rolled Into the hallway and there they were...beds lined up along the walls in the hall. The only privacy they had were screens stretched at the end of each bed. I was thankful I wasn't laying on one of them. 

I went to ultrasound and the tech did a great job. It was a little too fast because I was comfortable in there. But I had to go back to purgatory. 

So I go back and wait. There was a young girl that I noticed had an iPhone so I asked if she had a charger with her. Mine was beyond dead and she let me borrow her charger. She was really sweet. In for a migraine. I was getting a migraine just from sitting and all the waiting. And the fact I hadn't eaten since 9:30 am. And it was now 7pm.  And they wouldn't even give me crackers in case I needed surgery. 

Sometime between the ultrasound and the surgeons coming in to talk, Bonnie came back. She sat with me in Room 46 along with the other folks that were put in there to be forgotten. There were some interesting folks that came and went. The lady that was covered head to toe in the first waiting room had to be woken several times to be discharged - pretty sure she was coming off a pretty good buzz. There was a young guy advertising his detail skills on cars that had bronchitis and an upper respiratory infection...he also snores. There was a man that had arthritis in his leg. There was a really tall guy that couldn't see out of his eye.  There was a young girl that was having some sort of stomach ailment...really sweet girl. There was a woman that told us her sister went in for gallbladder surgery and died of a brain bleed. There was another woman who talked our ears off about her unemployment situation and how she became unemployed. And another who was beaten by her boyfriend so badly she could hardly walk and cussed her daughter out on the phone for not letting her stay with her that night. 

Finally the PA calls me back and says they want to talk to the surgeon on call.  Said my gallbladder was quite dilated.

And I wait. 3 hours later, the surgeon comes to talk with me. Says my gallbladder looks quite sludgy and they decided it needed to come out. Bonnie left around 8:30 or 9. I was admitted around 10:30 or 11. After 12 hours ok the ER, I was glad to have some answers but really just wanted to go home and crawl in the bed. 

I had surgery around 7:45 the next morning. They had to cut me open a little more than the laparoscopic site because my gallbladder was "the biggest they'd seen" at 10cm. They gave us pictures. Yuck. 

There were also residue from stones. She said it was like the chips in a chocolate chip milkshake. Lots and lots of little chips from gallstones. 

I'm glad it's done. And I will not be going back to that ER willingly anytime, ever. 

Kelley 

Four Months

Well, I am horrible at blogging... we've established that.

I felt things were getting a tad boring, so I just haven't updated in a while.  :)

However, I have folks asking me why I haven't updated my blog, so here goes... I think?

One of the most frequently asked questions (besides "how much have you lost?") is "Are you glad you did it?"  It's a great question.  It's a little more difficult to answer.  95% of the time, I'm glad I did it.  The other 5%?  Well, that's the hard part.  The other 5% is when I'm dehydrated, frustrated, nauseous, questioning myself, battling with myself each and every day.  Some days, I don't think about it and just go with the flow.  But other days, it's a constant mental battle.  Each day I am faced with choices and I can choose to be happy and healthy or I can choose to be miserable.  I know there are certain things that I used to enjoy eating that I still enjoy eating, but I certainly don't enjoy the way it makes me feel after.  Before surgery, there were no immediate consequences.  Now, there are. 

I have been eating more "normal" foods now.  I start out with protein most days and then eat fruits and veggies if I'm still not full.  Some days are better than others and I don't get as many fruits/veggies as I should.  Portion sizes are tiny compared to what they used to be. 

I have been exercising more.  I started a training group called "Fit-tastic" back in March.  I went every Monday and Wednesday and did run/walk training with a group of folks to train for a 5k.  And then... work happened.

We are in the process of upgrading our Business Online Banking system at work and I have been working until 6 or 7 every night.  I then come home and work more from home.  It has been sucking up all of my personal time.  Don't misunderstand, I still do things with friends and still exercise, just not as often as I did.  Now I come home from work, walk/run Paris and try to figure out what's for dinner and whether I feel like eating anything.

I have developed a very strange aversion to certain foods.  If I cook it, I can't eat it... especially proteins.  More specifically, chicken.  Chicken is not my friend these days.  I get nauseous when I smell it cooking, I get nauseous when I have to eat it and I get nauseous when it's reheated.  Sometimes I can cook it and eat it a day later, but not always.  I feel the same way about hamburger sometimes too... I have to cook spaghetti or chili one day and eat it the next.

I'm good as long as I don't have to prepare it... if I eat out or eat at the cafeteria at work, it doesn't bother me.

I recently went for my 3 month follow up with my surgeon's office (the PA) and talked to her about nausea.  I mentioned that I was nauseous more than 4 times a week and she was concerned.  She had the nurse perform a swallow test on me to determine if I had any leaks or anything going on with my pouch.  They said it appeared I have what's called "out-patching" where part of the pouch extends beyond the normal shape.  It's also called the "candy cane effect".  They wanted me to have an endoscopy done and then I would likely have surgery again.

Let me just tell you.... when I heard those words, I was full of all sorts of emotions.  I was angry, frustrated, sad, annoyed, and most of all, confused.  She said it was common, but I just didn't want to believe that.  So I got a second opinion.  I went to another surgeon in another bariatrics practice and told him what they found.  He was not at all concerned and said that nausea is very common post surgery for 6-9 months and sometimes up to a year.  He also said that several of his patients are nauseous with every meal and have feeding tubes to help them get the nutrients they are missing out on.

I sat back, relieved and thankful... I can't imagine going through everything I went through and having to have a feeding tube.  No thank you.  I shall not complain about nausea.  It is fine.

Other than that, I have had a lot of problems with my sciatic nerve and my back.  Some days are worse than others.  I have to sit on the heating pad a lot to get any relief.  I hope it's just my body adjusting to the redistribution of weight... but I will probably have to get that checked out soon.  I can't sleep, can't sit, can't stand... it hurts most days and makes exercising more difficult.

So recently, someone posted some OLD pictures of me on Facebook (you know who you are... :)).  These pictures were quite the eye-opener for me.  I thought that I knew my highest weight (I thought it was from this past October) but I believe I am mistaken.  There was a period of time six or seven years ago when I was in complete denial over my weight and I'm pretty sure I was in the 350 lb. range.  Shocking, I know.  When I look at these pictures and compare them to the pictures I have from last fall, they are just disturbing.  So knowing that and knowing where I am today... I am quite pleased with what has transpired.

I know you're all dying to know the numbers, so here they are.
Since October, 2012, I have lost 72 lbs.  I have gone from a size 26 to 18/20 (some pants are 20/22).  My shoe size has gone down a whole size.  My face is much smaller.  My rings, watches and bracelets fall off now.  My coats/jackets don't fit anymore.  I have noticed little things, like how pronounced my collarbone is now and my knees are much more defined.  My arms need some work - there's some excess fat/skin I need to tighten up and tone.

I recently went to a Canes game at PNC Arena (still sounds strange calling it that) and I was so pleased with how I fit in the seats... I went to a concert there in December and had to wedge myself into the seat and wiggle myself out.  I practically stood up the entire concert because I was so uncomfortable.  I was so much more relaxed and had such a great time at the Canes game... jumping up and down from the seat without having to hoist myself up.  It was great!  I have been walking a lot and go on much longer walks now without getting winded.  I can walk 2 miles easily and keep going if I want.  I can climb the stairs at work faster and easier - there are stairs that lead to the cafeteria and I used to have to take the elevator in order to breathe properly once I got to the top.  Now, I get to the top and I don't even notice a difference in my breathing.  I can talk and carry on a conversation the whole way up.

I find myself going out more and enjoying the spring weather these days.  I used to take Paris out and let her do her business and come back inside.  Now, we take longer walks and play quite a bit when we get home.  She needs that exercise and so do I!

I am excited about what the future holds and excited to see how this new body is going to work for me. I am planning to travel more and enjoy my friends and this fabulous city more.  I will be getting a bike soon and hope to start riding some trails and greenways around the area.

Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement.  The compliments are always welcome!  It's fuel for the tank and motivates me to keep going!

Reasons I Love Losing Weight

This will be an ever evolving list, but here are a few...

1. Not having to pull my bra straps up 400 times a day

2. Crossing my legs for more than 2 minutes without severe cramping

3. Not getting winded walking... Up stairs, walking the dog, cleaning the house, from the back of the parking lot

4. Getting out of bed without pain

5. Getting dressed in the mornings

6. Getting out of the car or up from a chair without having to heave-ho or hold onto anything

7. Playing with my niece & nephew without getting tired quickly

8. Not having a need for the ever growing pile of change I used to spend in the vending machines at work.

9. Going to a concert or hockey game without worrying about whether I will fit in the seats

10.  Traveling without having to worry about asking for a seat belt extender

11.  Catching myself in the mirror and being pleasantly surprised at what I see

12.  Seeing people that I haven't seen in a while and watching them struggle with recognition and try to figure out what's different

13.  Sharing my successes with friends and having them share their successes with me

14.  Meeting small goals and celebrating those victories

15.  Parking at the back of the parking lot at work and enjoying the walk to and from the building

On the Move!

Constant movement.  I've been moving and moving and moving and I'm expecting to crash and burn at any moment... except that as part of this new lifestyle, I have tons more energy... so I think I'm good!  I have been getting up earlier and working out.... going to work early, working late... spending time with family and trying to keep myself honest with the food I'm eating.

It's definitely harder right now... PMS = chocolate cravings... Spring time = Easter candy... Easter candy = Cadbury Creme Eggs... my absolute favorite.  Whoever made those are just evil.  I went to Target recently and got some goodies for a close friend who was having a baby... I love to take things to the hospital that dad and visitors can munch on as well as give mommy something sweet to snack on after all is said and done.  I mean, all that work in delivering a baby, somebody betta bring me a candy bar!! <growl!>

So, confession time... I got a box of Cadbury Creme Eggs for my friend.... and I got a box for me.  You thought I was going to say I avoided it, huh?  Nope.  No lies here.  I did it.  I put it in the cart... I wheeled it to the register... and I knowingly paid for that box of evil.  Have I opened it?  Yes.  Have I tried one?  Yes.  But just one.  I didn't feel great after.  I felt more disappointed in myself than sick.  Just disappointed in my weakness.  But you know what?  We are all WEAK.  I don't care what anyone says.  If someone tells you they've been perfect and haven't cheated during something like this, whether dieting or exercising or post weight loss surgery, they... are... lying...!!!  You try to determine your limits.  You try to find things that you can snack on here and there to fulfill that taste craving you have.  It's not rocket science, folks.  It is what it is.  We are human and we are weak.

But let me just say, I am not taking advantage of this situation.  I knew when I selected this surgery that I was a cheater when it came to food.  That's precisely why I had this surgery.  I get sick when I eat (light) sour cream, but I don't when I eat an entire Cadbury Creme Egg?  Seriously?  What's wrong with this picture?  As soon as sour cream hits my stomach, no matter how large or small the amount, I have this internal burning sensation like someone has dropped 80 habanero peppers down my throat.  It's quite painful.  But I can eat a Cadbury Creme Egg and go to sleep?  Heh... little devilish eggs.  Pure evil those eggs.

Enough about the eggs.  I didn't get to work out a lot last week.  Work continues to prove busier than ever.  I guess that's a good thing because I come home, walk the dog for a mile or two, eat dinner (lately, Parm Encrusted Tilapia and veggie of choice), and head to bed.  I haven't been overeating or lazing around... just move from one task to the next to the next.  It keeps me honest.  Lunches consist of a wrap or burger without a bun or soup or whatever the healthy entree is at work.  Some days it's just fruit and some type of protein.  Some days it's at my desk and whatever I bring from home.  It is my life at the moment.  It is quite busy.

Good thing about that is, constant movement = constant weight/inches lost.  I've lost about .5 lb short of 50 lbs.  It has been 2 months and 4 days.  I'd say that's pretty darn good.  I have been retiring clothes here and there... and the jeans I wore this weekend will be retired for life... I took them off tonight without unbuttoning them.  I sat down in them at church this morning and my belt buckle was touching the center part of my bra.  My nephew walked around the house pulling his pants up acting like an old man to mock me.  It's time. They're done.  I have several pants like that.  Shirts, don't even get me started.  I had shirts I had bought back in the fall that I can't keep on my shoulders, much less cover up my chest with now.  Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled I'm losing weight.  Just don't have the time to go shopping to find new stuff!!

So, I start swimming this week.  Hopefully going to get these arms and upper body shaped up.  Then mid-March I start training for FitTastic, the Run-Walk club.  That will be two days a week and will end with the Susan G. Komen race in June.  I'm excited about that!  I hear it's a great race - folks in the neighborhood on the route decorate their yards and cheer you on.  It's a big deal in the Triangle!

Well, going to catch up on some shows and then head to bed.  A new week of new and better choices starts tomorrow.  :)

For now,
Kells

A New Day at Old Navy

Last week was crazy busy and this weekend I had all intentions of going to the gym for some swim time and yoga and then relaxing for the weekend. Haha. I should know by now to not make plans to relax...it never works out as I intended. I came home Friday night after stopping by Trader Joes on the way home. I got some yummies there and came home with plans to cook. My body had other intentions. I sat in the chair to relax a bit and woke up 2 1/2 hours later, not quite sure what day it was. It really annoys me when this happens because I feel so unproductive. I got a bite to eat and then went to bed. So much for Friday night.

Saturday, I woke up around 7. I got up and went downstairs to have breakfast and relax on the couch. There was a swim class at 9:30 and a yoga class at 11. I guess I relaxed so much I woke up at 10 on the couch. Then my sister called and said they were coming to Raleigh for the day. By the time they got here, my stomach was screaming at me for something I had eaten. Jamie wanted to return some stuff to Old Navy. Lily was with us and we decided to stop at Panera for lunch. I had soup and Jamie had soup/salad. Lily had what looked like an amazing pb&j because she wore it all over her face!!

We eventually ended up at Old Navy. I had ordered some workout clothes and needed to return some (too big!!), so I started looking around. I honestly didn't think I would find anything that fit. we walked around for a while and Lily and I picked out some clothes for her to try on with us. We got matching Wonder Woman T-shirts. I felt a little old when she said "who is that???", but after I told her I used to watch the cartoon, she really liked it. She also liked the Smurfs and Batgirl T-shirts. She's a funny kid...favorite shows are The Brady Bunch and Full House... Noah's favorites are Bonanza and Daniel Boone. Love those kids!

Anyway, we all three hauled into the dressing room at the same time. Lily modeled while Jamie and I flew through clothes. I ended up with more than them.... Because I can actually wear the clothes in Old Navy now!! It's been at least 10 years since I've shopped in there. It's exciting!! I would have paid twice the amount I paid at Lane Bryant or somewhere that sold plus sizes. It's nice to be able to fit into things that don't cost extra for being a fluffy chick.

I slept most of Sunday away with a migraine, but I did get a wifi DVD player at an auction in RMT. This then led to a Netflix membership renewal and which then led to a marathon of the first season of Downton Abbey. Can't wait until season 2 is available! Have also been catching up on movies. I worked from home today and planning to head to the gym tomorrow morning to try out the pool for the first time. We'll see how that goes! It's a new week!!

Kell

Crawl, Walk, Run

Howdy, folks!  I have been really busy over the past week.  I am now a card-carrying member of the YMCA in N. Raleigh!  Woot!!

I know I say this every week, but I have been slammed at work.  I literally get out of bed at 5am, go to the gym (ok, so today was the first day, but if I tell myself I've been doing it, then I'll keep doing it), come back home, shower, walk Paris, fix lunchbag, drive to work, don't leave parking lot until 6pm or so (tonight, I forgot where I parked... walked from one end of the parking lot to the other... hey, it's exercise!), come home, walk Paris, cook dinner, and.... CRASH.  Lather, rinse & repeat.  I should be in bed now.  But I have a feeling most of my friends are quietly mumbling things about me not keeping my blog up to date...

So, this week has been interesting.  Not only did I join the gym, but I did a bad, bad thing.  After I went to the gym Tuesday night, I was starving.  I decided to go through Chick-Fil-A drive through.  That was tough.  I ordered a Grilled Chicken Sandwich, no bun, with a side of fruit.  Ha.  You thought this was where I did the bad thing, didn't you?  Nope.  I was strong.  I was good.  I drove home... or towards home.  On the way home, there is a Bojangle's.  I had a migraine.  When I have a migraine, for some strange reason (in my screwed up head), Bojangle's fries make my head feel better.  Could be the carbs or the grease... dunno.  Or at least, that was the case, pre-op.  Now, I have paid dearly for the Bojangle's fries.  I probably only ate 5 or 6.  I scarfed them down.  I gave Paris some.  I was all about some Bojangle's fries.  (The Chick-fil-A sandwich is in the fridge, if you're wondering.)

This is normally where I tell you I was as sick as a dog, all night long.  Nope... Paris was, but not me.  I didn't get sick.  But I noticed when I got in the bed I had this strange sharp pain in this tiny little area below my stomach (pouch).  I ignored it and fell asleep.  Yesterday, it was worse.  It was constant.  And then it moved.  It moved it's way through my bowels.  It was a rough day.

Did I learn my lesson?  Absolutely.  Will I do it again?  I will never say never.  But, I will always remember how it made me feel.  Yuck.  Disgusting.  (Paris is fine, just had a nice intestinal blowout... aka diarrhea)

So I got up at 5:00 am feeling better.  I went to the gym.  That place is packed even in the mornings!  I got there in time so that I didn't have to wait for a machine, but there were people waiting when I got off of the treadmill.  I'm moving slowly... gradually building up my distance and time.  I'm not pushing or rushing.

I ran into the lady that registered me Monday night.  Her name is Jenny and she is so sweet.  She said she was glad to see me and had been telling folks about me and the surgery.  She is really excited to see the results.  I am too. :)

So after Tuesday and today, my shins are KILLING me.  I have some runner friends and I took their advice and went to Capital Run Walk for a gait analysis and to be fit for proper shoes.  I came home with some pretty great shoes (Brooks Adrenaline).  All this time, I've been wearing the wrong size.  I've been buying a size 10 or 11... mainly because of the width.  I came home with a 9 1/2 and they feel great!

It was funny, when I first walked in, they asked if I was there to pick up a packet.  I asked what they were referring to and there is a Krispy Kreme Dash this weekend.  I had not heard of this... apparently people enter this competition to run 2 miles to a Krispy Kreme, then proceed to eat a dozen glazed donuts and run back.  What the?????  NO.... THANK YOU.  I would DIE. (especially now)

Since I've been going to the gym, I am sleeping like a baby.  It feels great.  I am hoping some of the pain of my body adjusting to this new strange thing called exercise will subside soon.  I just have to push through the next few weeks.

Paris is quite confused with the new schedule.  She will get used to it, but I have to get it down to a routine, for her benefit and mine.  I will walk her in the mornings, and then when I get home at night, I will take her on a LONG walk to burn off some energy.

Today, when I was perusing the Capital Run Walk website, I found something called Fit-tastic!  Now, I love a good play on words, but this is genius (not the word, but the concept... stay with me folks).

"Fit-tastic is a 12-week training program geared toward the beginning walker/runner who wants to develop a healthy and sustainable exercise regimen. We have experienced, certified coaches who have put together a program designed to help you achieve your goals with the support of others like yourself."

Guess who signed up?  This chick.  Thankfully it doesn't begin until March 11, so I have a month to get out of the clumsy, awkward walking stage... yes, I'm clumsy.

I signed up for two different 5k's recently.  One is at the end of March - it is an Off-Road Challenge for The Biggest Loser in Charlotte.  The other is in April - Angels Among Us at Duke.  I may not be able to do the off-road challenge (given the aforementioned clumsy awkwardness).  I will decide that later on though.

But for now, I need to go to bed so that I can get up at 5am and get to the gym... in my new shoes. :)

Good night for now!
Kell
42 lbs lighter

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

"Just follow that one road the whole time!... I hope THEY don't get lost, I'm so bad at giving directions..." Glinda in Wicked.

Not sure why this has been on my mind so much... I think I relate this journey I am on to Dorothy's journey in the Wizard of Oz. There are twists and turns and some scary things and some things that make you smile. You meet interesting people along the way and you meet people that are mean and unsupportive. But most importantly, you follow this road to meet the goal you've set for yourself... Whether it's to find someone special, to lose half of your body weight or to find your way home is no matter. What matters most is that you follow the road...follow your heart and love yourself. "Just follow that one road the whole time!"

The past two weeks have been pretty busy. As I mentioned in my previous post, things at work have been...stressful. I literally come home and clean or cook or both and crash. My energy levels are much better than they were. I have really gotten into a groove with my eating habits. I did notice one day this week I didn't plan and had quickly grown tired of reheating leftovers, so I went to work with little snacks but nothing substantial to eat. Luckily there was soup in the cafeteria that day that I could eat. It was good and filling. But I realized that I need to have a plan each day. The biggest issue I have faced is not really wanting what I've packed in my lunch bag that day once I get to work. I know things will get better when I can have real foods because then I will be able to eat salads or grilled chicken in the cafeteria on those days I'm having the Lunchbag Blues.

I have made some pretty yummy recipes lately. My favorite was chicken & broccoli in Alfredo sauce (Bertolli's Light Alfredo sauce). Another favorite is the pizza. Mission tortilla shels come in Carb Balance. I added sundried tomato pesto as sauce, then mozzarella, Parmesan, feta, & pepperoni. Deliciousness!!!!

I went today for my B12 shot & the PA was pleased with my energy. I also had lunch at Firebirds with my team from work. I ordered wood grilled salmon with steamed veggies. It was yummy! This weekend I am spending time with my sister for her birthday. We just got back from Walmart where I got lots of fruit & stuff to make pizzas this weekend.

Unfortunately, I have been craving chocolate. We got some of the weight watchers English toffee candies. They hit the spot!

I wrote out some motivating quotes an put them on my mirror in my bathroom. If I feel rough or feel like giving up, I can quickly remind myself to keep going and try harder!!

Sorry it's been so long since I blogged. I really am trying to be better about it!!

For now... 41 lbs lighter,
Kell

Tarred.

Tarred? Yes. Tarred. Or as most spell it, tired.

My Granddaddy Wright was a Kentucky Hillbilly. He would answer the telephone "mmmmyellow". He had false teeth that he liked to keep in his pocket and fool us into reaching in for Werthers Original. He loved Hee-Haw, Snuffy Smith, NASCAR and Budweiser. He loved to sit under his carport and watch the tractors and cars drive by on what used to be a country road. He loved collards and chitlens and made the very best sausage and gravy I will ever eat in my life. And if you asked him, "how are you, Granddaddy?", his response was "Shooooweeeee, I'm tarred!!" And he would wipe his bald head dramatically with his hanky or bandana or paper towel, whatever the cloth of the day was. He was a good granddaddy. I reckon he was the funniest man I've known and I miss him a lot.

So how am I today? "Shooooweeeee, I'm tarred!!"

I got up this morning with a nagging headache. I gagged while taking my vitamins, one of which is redonkulous in size and I found out at the docs today that I should be taking 4x that amount....per day. I have to sit to dry my hair right now. Otherwise I don't have the energy to fix my lunch and walk Paris. Thankfully the 30 minute drive to work gives me the time to rejuvenate physically. Today, when I got to work, I needed a nap. I miss the days working at the RBC Plaza where we had "quiet rooms". I guess I could try to get access to the new mothers room, but there's one slight problem...I'm not a new mother. Oh well.

Speaking of the doctor, he said everything is on track. The vitamins are the new norm: B-Complex, D, Iron, Omega-3, B-12 injections, calcium, and I think that's it?? I can start gradually exercising. Oh and I've lost 33 lbs. Yay!!

Work is crazy. We have a HUGE project we are working on and it's stressing folks out. A lot of folks are leaving...some retiring, some changing jobs, others...well, I won't go there. I'm getting a complex. Two of them sit on either side of me... I try to remember my deodorant each day. Gosh, just tell me if I stink...

So by the end of the day, I was chugging along and never happier to pack up to go home.

Because, Shooooweeeee, I'm tarred!!

Kell

Migraines Drool, Energy Rules

It has been an interesting week... there have been ups and downs.  I have had good days and really bad days.  I always keep in mind that the worst is behind me (chicken broth, protein shake nastiness, etc.).  Now, I'm able to experiment with things much more.  I have had enough of the egg bites I cooked last week... too much of a good thing.  Bleh.  I haven't even brought myself to dump them out of the container they're in... they're in the fridge of course... but it just grosses me out to even smell them right now.  I've been noticing I get tired of things really quickly.  Maybe because I eat it multiple times a day... maybe because I still have such a sensitive stomach.  I'm not sure.

I have been working from home most of the week.  Some days were better than others.  Some days I slept during the day and worked at night.  It really just depended on my energy level.  I have found that if I take my vitamins early (when I remember to take them early), I tend to have a bit more energy during the day.

Friday, it hit me that I was returning to work Tuesday and my house was in utter chaos.  I mean, there wasn't an inch of kitchen counter space that wasn't covered.... seriously.  The dining room table/craft table/junk table was in rough shape since Christmas projects had been completed.  The Christmas decorations were still up.  Yep, you read that right.  I brought the boxes in and that's as far as I got.  The floors were in dire need of a conversation with the vacuum.

So, thankfully, I had some friends on standby to help and they sprung into action on Saturday.  My friends Karen & Adam came over and helped.  We got the Christmas decorations down (I say "we" loosely... I had to sit and rest several times), the kitchen organized, the craft table organized, the floors vacuumed and the horrid air filters changed out.  It was a productive day!  And I was completely exhausted!

That evening, after they had left and I was resting, I noticed Paris started twitching.  She was twitching in her face and her legs... it was happening every few seconds, but not like a seizure (that was my first concern).  It continued for about 15 minutes and I made her stand and walk with me, as well as sit and lay down and it happened the entire time.  I started to panic and called the on-call vet.  Apparently I woke him up, but I didn't really care.  He asked me a series of questions and because she was walking around with me and wagging her tail, he didn't seem concerned.  He thought it was probably an upset stomach (she had eaten some of my tuna earlier that night) and that the twitch was probably a pain reaction to the upset tummy.  He told me to give her Pepto and just keep an eye on her.

Meanwhile, my friend Wheela called back (I had called her before the vet because she is my dog guru).  She calmed me down and made me feel a lot better.  While we were on the phone, Paris had stopped twitching... then it started back.  I got her to come with me into the guest bathroom downstairs and shut her in.  I poured the Pepto in the measuring cup... she licked it and you should have seen her face.  It was like a kid tasting nasty medicine for the first time (I remember a full on fight with Lily over taking liquid medicine after she had her tonsils/adenoids removed).  So I had to pin her down on the floor and hold her mouth open with one hand and pour it down her throat with the other... she stood up, looked at me like "I hate you..." and then decided to shake............. Pepto............ all over me........... all over the walls........... everywhere!!!!  Once I cleaned that up, we sat down to rest again and she seemed to get better.  She finally fell asleep (after waking up every time she twitched) and the twitching stopped once she was asleep.  Was scary, but now I know what to look for.

Sunday, we laid around and were lazy.  I woke up with a migraine and decided not to do much.  It was a beautiful day and I was annoyed we weren't able to get out much, but I needed the rest.

Today I got up and showered.  I relaxed a bit until my friend Jill came.  We went to one store and then Harris Teeter to get some produce (Wal-Mart/Target are running slim on some of the produce these days).  When we got back to the house, I was wiped out!!  Jill cut up veggies for dipping and for cooking and helped me prepare several things.  I have Parmesan Garlic Spaghetti Squash, Baked Zucchini Chips, and Chicken Taco Chili.  It's all delicious!!  :)  And it will get me through the next few days of preparing my lunches for work and dinners.

Unfortunately, my migraine returned today.  I think they're happening more frequently because of my blood sugar ups and downs.  I'm hoping to get that under control better when I go back to work.   I'm hoping that I'll be on a more strict eating schedule at work and be able to eat on schedule instead of when I'm feeling woozy and feel like I need to eat or I might pass out, like I have been doing at home.

Thanks to everyone who has helped me with stuff over the past few weeks... it means a lot.  I am going upstairs to try on clothes soon because, well, I just have no clue what I'm going to wear!

So say a prayer for me tomorrow as I head back to the daily grind.  It will be interesting for sure!!

Kell

Black Hole

I have not posted in almost a week... it has been a really rough week.  As you can probably guess from the title of this post, I have been in a black hole of sorts.  I did too much, too fast... again.

This process is not easy.  There are constant decisions and constant choices to be made.  It's not all roses and confetti.  And it's hard to be happy and positive and energetic all the time.  Especially when you are malnourished.

I was bored this weekend and decided to go to my sister's house.  I spent Saturday night there and I was just not prepared for the exhaustion that was going to take over my every molecule.  Literally.

I had an OK day Saturday... I got some Wendy's chili (I am officially sick of it) on the way to Jamie's.  I ate that most of the day.  We decided to run out to Hobby Lobby for some additional craft stuff for a project that we took on that, of course, turned out to be a lot more difficult than it seemed (thank you, Pinterest).  By the time we made it to Walmart for ingredients for the dinner we had planned, I was at the point of no return.  I was dizzy, nauseous, sweaty, faint, dizzy, nauseous, shaky, dizzy, and did I mention nauseous?

We made it home and I chowed down on 1/2 a banana.  Jamie commenced to cooking my dad's recipe of Chicken Casserole (this stuff is amazingly good).  I had previously had all the ingredients, sans one... sour cream.  We got the light version of sour cream.  One of two things happened... I either ate too much too fast (I was feeling starved)... or I cannot tolerate sour cream.  Because the dumping syndrome ensued.  It came on with a vengeance.  I never had the diarrhea, but I had the vomiting, the dry heaving, the horrible cramping, cold sweats, etc.  It was not pretty.  This was the first official time I've had this... and I can tell you I don't want to have it again.  Ever.  Sour cream is something that most WLS folks can handle, so I'm not sure what the outcome of that will be.

That night, I didn't sleep well... I ended up sleeping in the recliner because I just could not get comfortable otherwise.  I used the heating pad on my stomach and finally around 6 AM went to the bedroom and crawled into bed.  I slept like a log until after 10.  I didn't eat much that morning... just couldn't seem to stomach anything and was a little gun-shy from the night before.

We decided to go to the Train Station to take pictures of the kids.  We picked out outfits and got them ready.  We stopped on the way to get something to eat.  The kids got McD's and Jamie and I got El Tapatio.  I can have refried beans and chicken, so I got my usual quesadilla with a side of beans.  It was so good.  I ended up eating 3 servings of it (my size servings).  We got some great shots at the Train Station and headed back to Jamie's.  I was wiped out.  I just didn't even want to drive home.  I knew I needed to get myself together and get home so I could rest in my own environment.

Monday was worse.  I woke up with a migraine, weak, dizzy, needing nutrition.  I just couldn't seem to get things under control.  I still can't drink protein shakes and I knew I wasn't getting enough protein.  I needed to go to the grocery store, but I did not have the energy or the motivation.  I knew I could get there and probably could get out of the store, but unloading the car was out of the question, much less putting things away.  So I didn't get much down on Monday.  I tried, but it just didn't work for me.

Tuesday, a friend came from RMT to help me.  She drove me to my doc's office in Cary to pick up my doctor's note for jury duty.  Then we got some Mexican, because I know I can eat it.  I sat there and stared down the tortilla chips.  I never ate one.  We just had a staring contest... I won :).  Then she took me to Walmart.  I had a list... it seemed to grow.  I drove the scooter (yep, I did... I ain't too proud) and she followed me around with a cart.  It was insane.  I bought tuna, beans, eggs, eggs, cheese, lots and lots of cheese, chicken, fish... if it had protein it went in my cart.  It got to the point where I was getting dizzy on the scooter.

We got back to my house and filled up all counter space with bags and bags of groceries.  We ran out of counter space.  Which means I have no where to put a lot of this stuff!  I got all of the perishables put away and then I had to take a nap.  It was draining.

I got up that evening and had some tuna.  The pre-mixed lemon pepper is delish... and I can eat the whole pouch and get 18g of protein.  It was just what I needed.  I immediately started feeling better.  Funny how that works, huh?  Reminded me of the day in NYC when I was protein deprived and stopped at Trump Tower for a chicken breast.  It was the best chicken breast I've ever eaten... even if it cost me $12.  :)

Today, I got up and had some cereal.  We can have cereal that gets mushy quickly.  Rice Krispies are my choice right now.  They have a tiny bit of protein in them, but the milk packs about 8g of protein.  I love cereal.  I really love Honey Nut Cheerios, but they have too much sugar.  I could have regular Cheerios, but the Rice Krispies will last me a while.  Then I had tuna for a mid-morning snack.  It did me a world of good.  I had a banana later this afternoon and a piece of cheese.  And this afternoon, I made these mini quiche bites that I have been drooling over on this blog.  They are pretty amazing.  I did get a bit of indigestion from the egg (like I did with the scrambled eggs), but they were good.  And filling.  I had 3 and then an hour later had 3 more.  They are very good.  I made 2 batches (the others were pizza bites).  I like them both equally.  They probably could have used more seasoning.  I went a little light on some of it because it seemed like an awful lot in both recipes, but it seems the egg soaks it up.

The depression over the past few days was rough.  I've finally climbed out of that black hole... it was dark down there.  I went through all sorts of things... feelings of failure, feelings of regret, feelings of just plain desperation... I cried and cried and cried.  Today has been much better.

I thought I would say "I'm turning the corner", but it occurs to me I've said that before.  I think the worst is definitely behind me... but I think I've got a lot of obstacles ahead.  It is going to be a daily battle to keep the protein levels up and the feelings of failure at bay.  I will keep on keepin' on.  I will do what it takes to make this work.  I have to.  I don't have a choice.

Sorry this is such a long post... and not quite as light-hearted as usual.

For now,
Kell

Pizza Bites on the left, Bacon & Swiss on the wright

Bad Day/Good Day

Yesterday... Bad Day...

Being excited about "the mushies", I decided to scramble some eggs yesterday morning.  Bad... bad idea.  I took 4 bites, chewed very well, did not eat very fast at all... and they stuck.  They stuck in one spot.  And it hurt.  Badly.  So for the next 4 hours, I was hurting.  I couldn't eat anything for a while, so I just relaxed.  I went to my eye doctor... got the normal lecture about wearing my contacts too long. I was hoping to get out of there cheap... ha!  Not gonna happen.  Although, I did find some AMAZING glasses.  I can't wait to get them!  They're so cool!

Although I found beautiful glasses and got my eyes checked (which the prescription hasn't changed, thank goodness), I had a nice little migraine from the dilation.


I decided yesterday afternoon that it was time to try a recipe from a book I have been reading.  Before & After – Living & Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery (HarperCollins Publishers 2007,2012) by Susan Maria Leach is both a memoir and a cookbook.  I found several recipes for this phase of pureed eating that I am excited about.  So I attempted a Pizza Bake, an alternative for pizza cravings.  It was fabulous!!  It consisted of marinara sauce, ricotta cheese, very finely diced turkey pepperoni, mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses and Italian spices.  It was SO yummy.  It helped make a bad day better.  :)

Today was a Good Day!
I did work for a little while yesterday.  I logged in and checked email... then I called in for our team meeting late yesterday afternoon.  This morning, I woke up later than I expected.  I haven't set an alarm in a few weeks, so I just didn't think about it last night.  I got up around 9 (that felt great!) and decided at the last minute to head into the office.  I wanted to go in and have lunch with some folks and take down my Christmas decorations at my desk.  I also just wanted to get out of the house!!  And I wanted to see how I would do with packing up things to take to eat, etc.  I was dressed, packed up, dog walked and out the door in an hour and eleven minutes!! I surprised myself!

Once I got to the office, I realized I should've probably taken it a little slower.  I was shaky and weak... but I hung in there until about 3:00 this afternoon.  After discussing my leave of absence with my manager and realizing that I either had to come back to the office full time next week or stay home and work next week, I have decided I will stay home and work from home next week.  That way I can make sure I'm not overdoing it and strong enough to go back full time the week I had intended to.  The doctor has officially released me, but I'm just not there yet.  I'm glad that I'm in tune enough with my body to know when enough is enough.  I came home this afternoon (after stopping for Wendy's Chili for a change in food for the night) and have been relaxing and resting since.

Work was great - everyone was happy to see me and seemed to think I looked brighter and perkier than usual.  I have this smile that I can't seem to hide.  I guess that's what happens when you're 28 lbs lighter and 1 1/2 sizes down... speaking of, I need to reorganize my closet this weekend... I hope I can find clothes that at least stay on long enough to make it through a work day!  Don't want to risk losing my pants while walking down the hall... I think that would be worse than a sharting event!!

I have a before/after picture.  The before picture is really bad...grainy and much like a mug shot... but it's the best I have for the side by side.  It was taken on Christmas Eve, two days before surgery.  The other was taken yesterday - the hair is different.  I don't really see the difference... but everyone else does.  I have a sweet friend that once told me that she can always tell I'm losing weight when my chin starts to become more pronounced.  Well, there it is... in all its glory.  :)

Well, speaking of resting, I am heading to bed.  

Thankful for so much today!  Managers and team members that are flexible with my need to heal, so many great friends that are so encouraging and of course my amazing family that has stood behind me this entire time.  

Good night, all!

Kell

Hi-ho, Hi-ho, It's Back to Work I Go!!

Well, sort of.  :)

I had my 2 week post-op today with the PA at my surgeon's office.  Surprisingly, I got out of bed, got ready and felt great when I walked out the door, rather than feeling the need for a nap like I have over the past week after just a little activity.  I drove to Cary, to the office and checked in on the 3rd floor, as usual.  I talked with one of the assistants behind the sliding window and went over my short-term disability forms.  While I was standing at the window, I noticed the nutritionist was in his office.  I asked if I could see him for a few minutes before or after my appointment.

They called me back to check with him.  I started asking him about protein and what I could do to substitute protein for the protein shakes.  I just can't even smell those things without dry-heaving.  If I happen to smell even the unflavored protein, I start getting gag-a-licious.  Seriously.  I am SO overly sensitive to smells right now, among other things.  I have a "Raspberry Sorbet" candle on my candle warmer and really feel like I'm going to have to throw it out... it smells like rotten fruit to me.  I remember being told that my tastes may change, but not my smells.  Does that make it a super power?  Amplified smells?  If so, what should my super hero name be?  Scratch & Sniff Girl?  Smelly Kelley?

Wow, I digress... (if you must know, I was envisioning a She-Ra type costume...)
So Patrick, the nutritionist, gave me some alternatives to the abhorred protein powders... I found the coffee flavored shake that I can drink, but it's got way too many calories and way too much sugar... so he suggested I use Carnation Instant Breakfast, mixed with skim milk, and add some Folger's instant coffee crystals.  Ha... who knew??  On top of that, instead of using the unflavored protein powder in creamy soups and "the mushies" (yes, that's what he calls this food phase... "the mushies), he suggested I use dry milk powder.  It has more protein than the protein powder.  Again, who knew??

Thankfully, he was able to give me some pointers and apparently was not at all surprised that I was having trouble with the protein shakes... guess I'm not the only one.  And I am also I'm one of the few that freaked out over the instructions and tried too hard to follow them exactly.  My Type A personality kicked in with a vengeance...

Once I was called back, I met with the PA, Sarah.  She's great.  She had called in some meds for me yesterday because I was having some pretty harsh pain when I ate.  She thought my stomach may be swelling, so I started prednisone last night.  Unfortunately, it was liquid and the gag fest kicked off again.  Today, she gave me another script for the regular tablets.  Whew.  She asked a lot of questions about nausea, how much liquid I was taking in, protein amounts, etc.  Based on my responses and the fact that I was feeling great at the time I was sitting in the office, she said I was doing amazingly well!

So based on that, I start back work tomorrow.  I talked with my manager and he wants me to take it slow.  I will start off working from home a few hours a day, as my energy holds up and then will head into the office for a few hours each day next week.  I am anxious to get back into a routine.  It's been nice to be home, but I'm going a bit stir crazy.

I did go get my hair did this afternoon... that was nice and relaxing :)  New year, new hair, new me!  After that, I stopped at Wendy's and got some Quality, Slow, Simmered Chili (that's what it says on the cup).  The chili is easy to mush up and packs some protein with the beans and beef.  It was delish!  No gagging!!  After that, I went to The Container Store... have always wanted to go... now I regret actually going.  Not only did I spend too much, but I thought I was going to have an Al Roker sharting episode while I was in there... Thankfully, I didn't.  But it was close!  The joys of having a tiny stomach.  "Never trust a fart" - Al Roker.  Oh how true this is... Maybe that should be my super hero name??  Shart Girl?

Ok, ok... so you're wondering what the weight loss was... I saved the best for last... Since December 18 (week before surgery), I have lost 26 lbs.  14 was lost prior to the surgery (protein shakes 3-4 times a day and lean and green diet (protein and non-starchy veggies).  The other 12 have been since surgery.  I ran into Dr. Bruce in the hallway and he said "you already look smaller!!".  I'll take that :)

So here goes nothing... my attempt to get back into a normal routine!  I can do this!!

Gag-tastically yours,
Kell

P.S.  Paris' paws smell like Fritos... and I don't even like Fritos...

Finally Turning a Corner

As of yesterday morning, I had not been eating much at all this past week.  I was getting in maybe 8 oz. of "food" per day.  It wasn't good.  I was not in a good place.  I was so nauseous and could not stomach anything but water or G2 (shocked that I found a G2 I can actually stomach).  I was starting to get weak, dizzy, and very fatigued.

I had an appointment with my Primary Doc on Friday as a follow-up to the surgery, so I drove myself to that.  Once I got there, I started feeling worse and worse.  It was pretty bad.  I thought I was going to pass out in the waiting room.  When I got in the exam room, I lost it... emotionally.  I knew I was NOT in a good place with this new lifestyle.

Enter my Primary Doc (she's fabulous!)... she had no idea I had just had gastric bypass surgery.  Seriously??  The surgeon said he was going to call her and let her know what was going on.  Not only did she not know, but she didn't have any of my records from the surgeon's office to reference for this particular visit.  Let's just say neither of us were very pleased with this development.

So throughout this appointment, we determined that the symptoms I had were probably happening because I had not been taking my anti-depressant since I came home from the hospital.  I have been on an anti-depressant for a couple of years now and I'm not ashamed of it.  I'm sure most of you reading this are either on one or have been on one at some time in your life.  Unfortunately, obesity can cause major depression and I had that compounded with some other personal issues.  But the fact that I had stopped taking it cold turkey and for a little over a week, I had basically hit the wall.  She told me the symptoms were exactly spot on with the withdrawals from this drug.  So I bought a pill crusher and started taking the anti-depressant again.  She also prescribed some nausea patches and good ol' zofran.  Zofran is a great anti-nausea med to take for immediate nausea.  Unfortunately, I was having chronic nausea and just could not eat anything, so the patches seem to be helping with that.

My family was starting to worry and my sister and nephew came to town yesterday and swore she was going to force food down my throat before she left.  She was worried I was going to pass out at home alone.  In fact, my nephew (6 yrs old) said "Khaki, you need to eat, because according to my questioning, you could pass out at home alone!!"  Haha, sometimes you need to hear the honesty from your favorite little people, even if they heard it from their parents. :)

We went to Wal-Mart and got some goodies for some different recipes I've read about in a book and came home and sister started cooking.  She made homemade veggie soup (minus the ground beef) and homemade mashed taters.  This did me a world of good.  I was able to eat servings of both before she left.  Also, I found a protein shake I can handle.  It does not exactly meet the nutritional criteria (a little more sugar than recommended), but I can get it down and I'm getting protein from it.  Close is better than no protein at all.

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and renewed and feel like I have finally turned the corner!  Yay!

I have not started back work yet - I have a 2-week post-op follow up with my surgeon's PA this week and will get back in the swing of things, whether I work from home or go back into the office.  I'm kinda wanting to work from home, mainly so I can keep up with the crazy schedule of eating, but I don't mind going into the office because I miss all of my friends!

I'm going to get out today and take a few walks... maybe longer than usual.  We'll see.  I'm just glad I'm feeling better!!

Shucks, I may even take down my Christmas decorations today!  Although I do kind of enjoy looking at them, so I could leave them up a little longer. :)

Kell

Rough Days

Well, the past two days have been a little rough.  Yesterday was bad... today, better, but not up to par.  Yesterday morning I woke up with a really bad headache, which turned into a nasty migraine.  This is the first headache I've had since surgery, which is surprising.  I usually get migraines 2-3 times a week, so needless to say, I was wondering when it was going to strike.  But then I started wondering, what's causing this?  I have been sleeping more and eating what I should.  Maybe I was dehydrated?  I chalked it up to that and tried to start my normal "eating" (drinking) schedule.  I pulled out a protein shake and immediately gagged.  I tried a couple of other concoctions (creamy soups with unflavored protein, protein drinks, freezing protein drinks, and... yes... broth).  Gag attack.  Every single thing made me really nauseous.

So I called the doctor's office.  Of course, it was early, so I got the answering service.  I couldn't get through the phone call without breaking down.  I was emotional.  I was completely deflated.  I am not getting the protein that is required for this diet.  I cannot stomach the protein shakes and I cannot eat anything at all.  How is this going to work?  So after pretty much laying around in my nausea all day, I called the doc's office back because I had not heard back.  Finally, I get a call back from the nurse.  She asks a lot of questions and then basically tells me to suck it up and drink what I can.  She also tells me that I have to think of this as recovering from the flu... I have to replenish my nutrients and hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.  Easy for you to say... you can keep things down.  I can't.  So I take some nausea medicine that I have had for a while and relax.  Finally, around 11:00 last night, I was able to drink some soup.  Yay for small victories!!

Today, I woke up feeling much better (which is relative) than I did yesterday.  My stomach muscles were super sore today, probably from dehydration.  I took it easy this morning and didn't rush to drink anything of substance.  I had water and vitamin water... but nothing soupy just yet.  Finally, around 11:30 or so, I was able to get some more soup down.  Thank goodness!  So I tried some different soup at lunch (the same stuff gets old after a while).  That worked out well and I was able to add some unflavored protein to the soup.  I got a whiff of it and gagged a little, but it stayed down, so I can't complain.

Something I didn't know... when I was talking to the nurse yesterday, she mentioned I should be refraining from drinking anything liquid prior to or after the protein substance (meal).  What?  Huh??  I'm sorry, I was not aware of that.  The paperwork the nutritionist gave me was specific to drink every 15 minutes... Substance, then 15 mins later, liquid, then 15 mins later, liquid, then 15 mins later, liquid. we should have 4 oz per hour!  Say what??

Ok, regroup.  This is going to make it a tad more interesting... because that's where the dehydration is going to come in.  But I do what they tell me.  So I'm trying to be more careful of that today.

I think the hardest part of yesterday was the sheer need to CHEW something.  I just wanted to CHEW... weird?  Apparently not. It's one of the things I've seen most in the post-op issues online.  I really really really really really just wanted to chew something... seems trivial?  Not to this girl. I have had nothing but LIQUID since Christmas Eve.  And I have 3 weeks to go.  THREE.  Yes, I knew this going in.  But gosh it's hard.  I watch people on TV eat cereal.  I want cereal.  I watch these stupid Jimmy Deans commercials... the girl slowly biting down on the English muffin with sausage, egg, cheese... the sounds from her mouth while she CHEWS... really???  And if I see another Olive Garden commercial showing all the varieties of All You Can Eat Pasta, I'm going to rip my TV out of the wall.

So back to pretty flowers and butterflies... today, I'm chewing gum.  Yep, that's right.  If I can't have food, I'm going to chew gum like it's going out of style.  I laugh in the face of these demons trying to bring me down.  I smack in their face!!!

Anyway, it's been a tough couple of days.  It's going to get better, I know, but it's tough.  I have heard all the pep talks.  I've given myself the pep talks.  Doesn't change the way I feel right now, but it does give me hope and something to look forward to.

And, I'm sure everyone is wondering... I have lost weight.  I am not going to give numbers right now until I go to the doctor next week and stand on those same scales that gave me the previous numbers, but I'm going to say I hit my very first goal, which is big, HUGE deal for me. :)

So chew on that!
Kell

Auld Lang Syne

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?
CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !
and surely I’ll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

Do any of you know what the phrase "Auld Lang Syne" means?  I got the gist of it, prior to this New Year's Eve, but I heard the question posed on a news report and came to the conclusion that I really don't know what it means.  So, I looked it up. :)

The song's Scots title may be translated into English literally as "old long since", or more idiomatically, "long long ago", "days gone by" or "old times". Consequently "For auld lang syne", as it appears in the first line of the chorus, might be loosely translated as "for (the sake of) old times".

For the sake of old times.  Days gone by.  Once I found this, I began to think... what fond things would I like to remember from days gone by {2012}?  What difficult things do I wish to forget from days gone by?

Memories from the past year are both near and dear to my heart and others are quite difficult to swallow. We typically shove those hard and hurtful memories in a box and hope they don't resurface at any time going forward.  This takes practice and persistence.  2012 has proven to be the year of difficult situations and learning to swallow my pride and overcome them with confidence and fortitude.  I think the reigning message this year is that it's not always best to fight back.  We have come to the age in life where we can constantly share our opinions and put people in their place, or we can respectfully push aside our personal feelings and allow those people to have their voice, whether right or wrong.  I have had to bite my tongue and step back from the middle of the situation to the outside more times than I wish to count this year.  I have quietly observed and seen truth in situations where truth is what hurts the most.

But the fond memories... those are what are most prominent.  Those are memories that will fill your mind {cup} and help you forget those painful memories.  I have had many, many fond memories from 2012.  Some things I don't remember... like I am sitting here wracking my brain trying to remember what I did on New Year's last year... can't seem to figure it out!  If I spent last NYE with someone reading this blog, please don't be offended... it's just that a year is a long time... haha.  Other than New Year's, there are quite a few things that I do actually remember. :) (some things I am forced to refer to Facebook to determine where I went and what I did!)

Reading The Hunger Games - wonderfully profound series of non-fiction... a must read!  Eating amazing food in Downtown Raleigh:  Piebird * Poole's Diner * La Volta Italiano * Buku Raleigh * Sono * Capital Club 16 * Beasley's Chicken + Honey * Battistellas * The Big Easy * Raleigh Times Bar * Sitti * Busy Bee * Centro Dos Taquitos * Gravy * 18 Seaboard * Thaiphoon Bistro * Mellow Mushroom * The Flying Saucer * Sullivan's Steakhouse * And other yummy finds in the Triangle:  Dos Taquitos * Gonza Tacos y Tequila * The Flying Burrito * Lynwood Grill * Maggiano's Italian * Lemongrass Thai * Twisted Fork * Firebirds * Coquette * St. Jacques * and many many more.  Other entertainment:  Season Tickets to DPAC for 2011-2012 season:  Memphis * The Addams Family * Bring It On: The Musical * Wicked (Mother's Day with Mom & Sister) * West Side Story * Chicago.  Notable Movies of 2012:  The Hunger Games, Man on a Ledge, Big Miracle, The Vow, Gone, The Lorax, The Lucky One, Five Year Engagement, Brave, Magic Mike, People Like Us, Madea's Witness Protection, The Campaign, The Odd Life of Timothy Green, The Words, Pitch Perfect, Anna Karenina, Lincoln, Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part II, The Hobbit, Le Miserables, Parental Guidance, The Promised Land. 

Outside of the plethora of entertainment, January is a whirlwind (one of those months I really don't remember), February is full of fun birthdays - I took my sister on a fabulous birthday scavenger hunt!  March we celebrated more birthdays, one of which was my sweet niece's 4th birthday!  April took us to the North Carolina Aquarium for a Home School day with Jamie and the kids.  May took me to Emerald Isle for a couple of quick trips.  This was also the month we began to say goodbye to my bestie, Wheela who moved to Charlotte.  That was a tough time, but we got her good with a Bon Voyage party at Sitti. :) June (my birthday month) was full of surprises - spent the day with the aforementioned bestie and then had a wonderful dinner at Poole's Diner (this place is AMAZING).  There were quite a few other surprises, but my favorite was when Jamie & Allison brought the kids and we had a great day at the pool and fun surprises that day.  Most of the weekends over the summer, I was found at the pool.  July, I got my first tattoo (something on my bucket list) - an Eiffel Tower on my right ankle.  July and August were quite difficult with health issues, but that's a different story.  August was adorned with a wedding for my sweet Millie and a 1st Birthday Party for my best friend in RMT's baby Brannan.  September... oh September (and just literally the first week of September)... a whirlwind trip to New York City (for the very first time) - seeing the sites (lots of them in a short period of time) and Madonna in the new Yankee Stadium.  Thank goodness for the best travel partner, Suman!  Literally the day after I returned from NYC, we celebrated my smart and funny nephew's 6th birthday!  October brought Paris' 3rd birthday and homemade Halloween costumes for the coolest kids!  November was not uneventful - I began the process of the Gastric Bypass surgery.  I also spent Thanksgiving with the family and the two turkeys that occupy my time when I am home.  December was full of tests, doctors appointments, evaluations and phone calls for medical records... and a wonderful concert... Dave Matthews Band and The Lumineers!!!  But once I turned that corner at Christmas, I was on my way!!  December 26th started the beginning of the rest of my life with the surgery.

And here I am, January 1, 2013 reflecting on all that I can honestly remember at this point.  And it is enough.  It is more than enough.  I have the best life... the best friends... the best family... I couldn't ask for more.  Do I ever feel alone?  Sure.  Do I ever wish I had someone to come home to?  Sure (I come home to my 4-legged kid for now).  Do I ever regret anything I've done or any choices I've made?  Absolutely 100% NO.

So should old times be forgot?  Nope.  They should be remembered fondly, learned from and reflected on.  Look how much things have changed since January 1, 2012... it's unfathomable.

Kell

Post-Op Update

Well, I am home and settled after surgery. I apologize for not posting before surgery but I was in a dark place. I was very nervous and very emotional. I was having anxiety attacks and just could not focus on the end goal. Since then, I have turned the corner. I went into surgery with a positive attitude and lots of prayer on my side.

Since then, lots of poking, prodding, listening, pain, and chicken broth. Lots and lots of chicken broth. Insane amounts of chicken broth. Ok, well, only 2 oz at a time. But still... It gets old realllllly fast.

I came home yesterday (Friday, I think?) and have been doing well. Very sore, like I have worked out a LOT over the past week. I have been drinking fluids constantly and have been drinking my dinners, whic consist of... You guessed it... Chicken broth. I have beef broth but haven't been able to stomach that yet. Had a bad experience with that a few weeks ago.

So I know everyone is wondering how much weight I've lost... Well, the day of surgery I had lost 14 lbs in just over a week due to my pre-op diet. Since the day of surgery I haven't weighed at the hospital but I weighed tonight. I haven't used my scales at all during this process, so I'm not sure what the over/under may be. Anyway, since I have peaked your curiosity, I am 19 lbs down since the day of surgery...which was like 4 days ago... Yikes!!

I've had several visitors and the common question is whether I am hungry. I'm not hungry. The pain is minimal, more soreness like I've done 100,000 sit-ups in the past day. I am drinking lots of fluid and getting up often to walk. I walked to the pool and back today. I got a little excited thinking about the pool opening. First time I have ever been excited about the thought of wearing a bathing suit!!

So long for now. Will update later!
Kell

Darth Vader, the Hunger Games & Popeye

The past six days have been a whirlwind!!  I have been so busy that I have started a couple of different posts and never finished them.  Unfortunately, the iPad app for Blogger does not save drafts of your posts... ugh.  I learned that the hard way!!

Since Friday, I have had a Sleep Study, been on a Liver Reduction Diet, met with Dr. Bruce to receive my Sleep Study results, got a CPAP machine, prepped for a colonoscopy and had that procedure done today.  On top of that, I went home Sunday to go to church and see my family.  Oh and I'm still working like crazy!!

Friday was tough, as I posted in And We Have a Date....  Since thin then, I have renewed myself and feel much better about things.

Friday night, I went in for my sleep study.  The sleep center is at my doctor's office in Cary.  So I drove out there around 8pm and sat and waited for them to get started.  I watched "Where the Heart Is" on TV in the room until they came in to start attaching and gluing things to my head, forehead, chin, under my chin, behind my ears, collarbone, and on my left leg.  Ugh.  This is the part I hate.  For some reason, they insist on using a ball point pin to mark your head and where these things should be glued... I'm going to strongly suggest a Sharpie.  They have to wiggle it around several times to make it write on your scalp... and if you are prone to migraines, guess what?  You're gonna get one.

The guy plugged me up and I tried on several different masks to sleep with during the night.  The mask... oh the mask.  Well, it's pushing oxygen into your nose... and that oxygen will flow right through your throat and out your mouth if you don't keep your mouth shut.  This was difficult for me to get used to.  So once I got over the new Darth Vader sound coming from my nose/mouth, I finally fell asleep.  I woke up once during the night and had to tell myself that it would go by a lot faster if I would just go back to sleep!!

They woke me up at 5am, unplugged me a LOT faster than they plugged me up and sent me on my way.  I slept most of the morning Saturday and then that afternoon started doing more research on my post-op diet.

Sunday, I drove to my hometown and went to church with my sister.  Then we all went to my dad's house for lunch.  That was interesting since he's a GREAT cook and I could only have 3-4 oz of protein and 1 cup of greens.  So I had some pork, green beans and broccoli.  To offset the little amount I was eating, I had a protein shake.  Now, mind you, at this time I was following the Liver Reduction Diet to the exact amounts that I had been given.

Sunday afternoon, I was getting a headache and was starting to get really hungry.  I drank my last protein shake around 5:00.  I went to our Christmas Cantata at church (which was awesome) and then went to a fellowship after that.  We Baptists love to "fellowship", which really means, we love to gab and eat.  :)  Well, I did some gabbing and no eating.  Being around that yummy food was very difficult for me.  I started feeling like I was starving and was not allowed to touch the food.

Enter the Hunger Games.  On the way home that night, I was very nauseous and dizzy and basically very hungry.  My dad had given me some pork to take home, so I started munching on that on the way home.  It was that or I was going to have to go out and hunt down some protein.  I was not in a good place.  But I kept reminding myself that it was for a short period of time and I can do this.  I started to think more about Katniss Everdeen and how she must have felt in the early days of not having food; drinking broth and begging for burned bread...

Sorry, I slipped into the world of fiction there...
Monday, I called my nutritionist and asked what I could do to help the hunger.  He was very understanding and said that I could have more protein (I do have a protein deficiency for cryin' out loud!) and I can also add skim milk to the protein shakes instead of water.  WHEW!!!  That makes it so much better!!!

Yesterday, I went in for my sleep study results and met with the supplier to get my CPAP.  I got a nice one, all covered by insurance (yay!).  Tonight will be my first night sleeping with it.  Paris is going to have a rough night, I think.  Dr. Bruce gave me the sleep study results and basically I stop/slow breathing at least 55 times in an hour, which means I am never reaching full REM sleep.  No wonder I'm always so tired!

The guy that fitted me with my new mask, James, was just fabulous.  He was the happiest fellow.  He told me all the tricks and showed me how to work the gadget.  He even found a much better mask than they had brought me to try on and I ended up picking that one.  I enjoyed my visit with him.

Once I got home yesterday afternoon, I started prepping for the colonoscopy today.  Funny enough, spell check does not like "colonoscopy" and wants to replace it with "endoscopy".  I mean, it technically is an endoscopy, just a lower end-oscopy.  :)

The prep did not go so well... I started hurting pretty bad and started vomiting.  Not sure how much of the prep liquid I actually got down... I had to get up at 3:30 this morning and finish it.  I say "get up"... I was technically in the chair still.  I never went upstairs last night.  Paris and I laid in the chair until the urge hit and I was in the bathroom the rest of the morning.

The endoscopy went well.  There were no pollops and I got some nice drugs.  When I came to, my sister was there and I had a blood pressure cuff on my forearm.  It started filling up and I felt like Popeye would look... so I started singing "I'm Popeye the sailor man... toot toot... I live in a garbage can... toot toot."  She was quite embarrassed.  My day was complete.

My sister brought me home, I cleaned out my pantry and sent most of what was still good with her.  I have started nesting... I have been cleaning, disinfecting, etc.  I swear, if I had the money, I would hire a crew to come in and disinfect this whole house.  I just hate cleaning.  Maybe I'll feel differently about that once I start losing some weight and have more energy.

Dr. Bruce did comment on how much perkier I looked yesterday.  He said I had drastically improved.  Of course, that has a lot to do with the B12 shots and the other vitamins I am taking.

Although, I am also very excited.  I have a lot going on, but I am managing.  I am planning to go to my sister's this weekend to stay through Christmas.  At least, I hope so anyway.  My niece has been sick, so I am hoping I don't have to wear a mask through Christmas.

I'll be back home the morning of the 26th.  I have to be at the hospital at 2:35 and surgery is at 4:35.  It will probably later in the evening before I am out of surgery and recovery.  Not sure yet how long the stay will be, but no more than 3 days is what I've been told.

Thanks again for the support and prayers of all of my family and friends.  I will hopefully be posting after I get home and situated.

Until then, I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!!  Think of me while you're eating on Christmas day... I'll be drinking my protein shakes!!  YUM!!

Kell