And We Have A Date...

December 26th!  The date I wanted... the date my life will change...

But first things first.
I have to say I'm a little bothered by the way things went down yesterday at the doc's office.  Maybe it was just me and my state of mind... maybe it was just that it was Friday and everyone was trying to get out early... maybe it was because it was lunch time and hungry people can be in a hurry... Whatever the case may be, I was pulling in the parking lot one minute and what felt like 10 mins later, I was standing outside by my car, bewildered, protein powder in hand, wondering "what just happened?".

I originally had an appointment with Dr. Bruce as a follow up to the last appt. when he discovered the protein difficiency... and the issues with my gut.  I was instructed to get the pill from Whole Foods, Digest, which I did and have noticed that it has much improved my digestion and pain (when I remember to take it).

Thursday, I received an email from the Insurance Coordinator at the office stating the insurance company had approved everything and that I would need to schedule an appointment.  I responded and told her I had an appointment scheduled already for Friday.  She responded and said Dr. Bruce would talk with me about the surgery and we would schedule a date. 

I arrive, everyone is happy to congratulate me that I got approval and I was going to get a date.  Yay! Right?  The next 30-45 minutes were a blur of confusion, not only on my part, but theirs as well.  So the nurse comes in and says "are we doing a results visit today?"  "What is that?"  "Dr. Bruce will go over all of your test results and a group of us will talk with you about the surgery."  "Oh, well, sure, I guess."  She walks out to verify that is what we are doing with the Insurance Coordinator, comes back and begins the schpill without the group. 

Next, Dr. Bruce comes in, decked out for Christmas.... a great Christmas sweater (over his scrubs) and a Santa hat on.  He makes me laugh.  He goes through the follow up items and then looks at all of my records to make sure we have everything we need.  I mentioned I was having a sleep study last night, so he mentioned coming in next week for a "Sleep Clinic".  Okie dokie.  

Then he asks if I'm having my B12 shot today.  Ahm, well... I dunno.  The prescription said once monthly.  He said it should be weekly for the first 4 then monthly after that.  Ok.  So the PA comes in and gives me a shot (this time in the arm, not the buttocks). 

Then they take me to see the surgery scheduler.  I sit down, she starts asking me "are you having a group results visit?"  "I don't know... I just had a results visit with Dr. Bruce I thought." "No, usually we meet in a group and spend about an hour with you... but that ain't happenin today."  Then she starts getting frustrated because the proper protocol wasn't followed.  Meanwhile, I'm wondering "should I be concerned?".  So then she hands me a packet of paper and begins her memorized speech.  I'm flipping through this packet and she says "stop me if you have any questions".  I'm thinking to myself "I can't get a word in...".  So I actually get the nerve to ask a few questions... at which time I was told to ask someone else.  O...k....

So in the packet was information about a diet plan that I should be on at least 2 weeks prior (yep, I'm less than 2 weeks before surgery).  I was instructed to go downstairs to the nutrition center to get the protein powder I need for the "Liver Reduction Diet".  So I finish up with the Scheduler and walk to check-out.  That seemed to take forever, since we went ahead and scheduled all of my follow up appointments for the next year. 

Then I go downstairs to the nutrition shop.  I walked in and asked about the Liver Reduction Diet.  The girl asked me if I had a form.  Nope.  So I showed her the packet of information, told her when I'm having surgery and she pointed me to the wall of protein powders.  I got kind of excited because I thought I could chose between flavors like cappuccino or mint chocolate chip... nope.  Only 4 approved flavors for this particular diet.  Orange creme (eh), Banana (gag), Vanilla (plain), Chocolate(sometimes it can taste bad).  I went for the Chocolate... she tells me I need two bags (btw, they are $55 each).  She said I could come back and get another bag later... since I'll be in the office next week (multiple times), I'll just pick one up then.

So back to the parking lot... tears welling up in my eyes... "what just happened?"

I called my sister... just let all of my anxieties pour through the phone and talked it out (and cried a lot).  Then I let a few people know about the date and started getting more excited. 

Let me make this clear...  I am not at all worried about the surgery, the hospital, the pain, none of that.  I am worried I will fail.  I am worried I don't have all of the information I need to make myself successful.  Now, we all know that isn't necessarily true.  I've been researching this thing to the point of exhaustion.  I have prayed about it and talked it out and I know I am ready for it.  But that evil little voice was talking in my ear and telling me things to make me weak.  To make me second guess the strength and confidence I know I already have.  He tends to speak more clearly when there is confusion and frustration.  And he speaks loudly when I am alone.  My job is to ignore it and listen to the Voice that is going to walk me through all of this. 

So between my sister and my sweet friend, Wheela, I have been tasked with writing down my questions and concerns so that I can contact someone at the doc's office Monday and feel better about things.  It's not about questioning the surgery.  It's about setting myself up for success.  Getting things together that will make it easy for me to be strong and make the right choices after the surgery, rather than having confusion and trying to find those things after the surgery, which will be worse.  Being unprepared and uninformed is what makes us fail.  Doubt is Satan's best friend.  Doubt is when we are most vulnerable. 

So with the support of many, the knowledge that I have already gained, and the One guiding me down the path he made for me, I will continue to research.  And I will continue to ask questions.  And I will continue to be confident and strong.  I can do this.  I will do this.