Rough Days

Well, the past two days have been a little rough.  Yesterday was bad... today, better, but not up to par.  Yesterday morning I woke up with a really bad headache, which turned into a nasty migraine.  This is the first headache I've had since surgery, which is surprising.  I usually get migraines 2-3 times a week, so needless to say, I was wondering when it was going to strike.  But then I started wondering, what's causing this?  I have been sleeping more and eating what I should.  Maybe I was dehydrated?  I chalked it up to that and tried to start my normal "eating" (drinking) schedule.  I pulled out a protein shake and immediately gagged.  I tried a couple of other concoctions (creamy soups with unflavored protein, protein drinks, freezing protein drinks, and... yes... broth).  Gag attack.  Every single thing made me really nauseous.

So I called the doctor's office.  Of course, it was early, so I got the answering service.  I couldn't get through the phone call without breaking down.  I was emotional.  I was completely deflated.  I am not getting the protein that is required for this diet.  I cannot stomach the protein shakes and I cannot eat anything at all.  How is this going to work?  So after pretty much laying around in my nausea all day, I called the doc's office back because I had not heard back.  Finally, I get a call back from the nurse.  She asks a lot of questions and then basically tells me to suck it up and drink what I can.  She also tells me that I have to think of this as recovering from the flu... I have to replenish my nutrients and hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.  Easy for you to say... you can keep things down.  I can't.  So I take some nausea medicine that I have had for a while and relax.  Finally, around 11:00 last night, I was able to drink some soup.  Yay for small victories!!

Today, I woke up feeling much better (which is relative) than I did yesterday.  My stomach muscles were super sore today, probably from dehydration.  I took it easy this morning and didn't rush to drink anything of substance.  I had water and vitamin water... but nothing soupy just yet.  Finally, around 11:30 or so, I was able to get some more soup down.  Thank goodness!  So I tried some different soup at lunch (the same stuff gets old after a while).  That worked out well and I was able to add some unflavored protein to the soup.  I got a whiff of it and gagged a little, but it stayed down, so I can't complain.

Something I didn't know... when I was talking to the nurse yesterday, she mentioned I should be refraining from drinking anything liquid prior to or after the protein substance (meal).  What?  Huh??  I'm sorry, I was not aware of that.  The paperwork the nutritionist gave me was specific to drink every 15 minutes... Substance, then 15 mins later, liquid, then 15 mins later, liquid, then 15 mins later, liquid. we should have 4 oz per hour!  Say what??

Ok, regroup.  This is going to make it a tad more interesting... because that's where the dehydration is going to come in.  But I do what they tell me.  So I'm trying to be more careful of that today.

I think the hardest part of yesterday was the sheer need to CHEW something.  I just wanted to CHEW... weird?  Apparently not. It's one of the things I've seen most in the post-op issues online.  I really really really really really just wanted to chew something... seems trivial?  Not to this girl. I have had nothing but LIQUID since Christmas Eve.  And I have 3 weeks to go.  THREE.  Yes, I knew this going in.  But gosh it's hard.  I watch people on TV eat cereal.  I want cereal.  I watch these stupid Jimmy Deans commercials... the girl slowly biting down on the English muffin with sausage, egg, cheese... the sounds from her mouth while she CHEWS... really???  And if I see another Olive Garden commercial showing all the varieties of All You Can Eat Pasta, I'm going to rip my TV out of the wall.

So back to pretty flowers and butterflies... today, I'm chewing gum.  Yep, that's right.  If I can't have food, I'm going to chew gum like it's going out of style.  I laugh in the face of these demons trying to bring me down.  I smack in their face!!!

Anyway, it's been a tough couple of days.  It's going to get better, I know, but it's tough.  I have heard all the pep talks.  I've given myself the pep talks.  Doesn't change the way I feel right now, but it does give me hope and something to look forward to.

And, I'm sure everyone is wondering... I have lost weight.  I am not going to give numbers right now until I go to the doctor next week and stand on those same scales that gave me the previous numbers, but I'm going to say I hit my very first goal, which is big, HUGE deal for me. :)

So chew on that!
Kell

Auld Lang Syne

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?
CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !
and surely I’ll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

Do any of you know what the phrase "Auld Lang Syne" means?  I got the gist of it, prior to this New Year's Eve, but I heard the question posed on a news report and came to the conclusion that I really don't know what it means.  So, I looked it up. :)

The song's Scots title may be translated into English literally as "old long since", or more idiomatically, "long long ago", "days gone by" or "old times". Consequently "For auld lang syne", as it appears in the first line of the chorus, might be loosely translated as "for (the sake of) old times".

For the sake of old times.  Days gone by.  Once I found this, I began to think... what fond things would I like to remember from days gone by {2012}?  What difficult things do I wish to forget from days gone by?

Memories from the past year are both near and dear to my heart and others are quite difficult to swallow. We typically shove those hard and hurtful memories in a box and hope they don't resurface at any time going forward.  This takes practice and persistence.  2012 has proven to be the year of difficult situations and learning to swallow my pride and overcome them with confidence and fortitude.  I think the reigning message this year is that it's not always best to fight back.  We have come to the age in life where we can constantly share our opinions and put people in their place, or we can respectfully push aside our personal feelings and allow those people to have their voice, whether right or wrong.  I have had to bite my tongue and step back from the middle of the situation to the outside more times than I wish to count this year.  I have quietly observed and seen truth in situations where truth is what hurts the most.

But the fond memories... those are what are most prominent.  Those are memories that will fill your mind {cup} and help you forget those painful memories.  I have had many, many fond memories from 2012.  Some things I don't remember... like I am sitting here wracking my brain trying to remember what I did on New Year's last year... can't seem to figure it out!  If I spent last NYE with someone reading this blog, please don't be offended... it's just that a year is a long time... haha.  Other than New Year's, there are quite a few things that I do actually remember. :) (some things I am forced to refer to Facebook to determine where I went and what I did!)

Reading The Hunger Games - wonderfully profound series of non-fiction... a must read!  Eating amazing food in Downtown Raleigh:  Piebird * Poole's Diner * La Volta Italiano * Buku Raleigh * Sono * Capital Club 16 * Beasley's Chicken + Honey * Battistellas * The Big Easy * Raleigh Times Bar * Sitti * Busy Bee * Centro Dos Taquitos * Gravy * 18 Seaboard * Thaiphoon Bistro * Mellow Mushroom * The Flying Saucer * Sullivan's Steakhouse * And other yummy finds in the Triangle:  Dos Taquitos * Gonza Tacos y Tequila * The Flying Burrito * Lynwood Grill * Maggiano's Italian * Lemongrass Thai * Twisted Fork * Firebirds * Coquette * St. Jacques * and many many more.  Other entertainment:  Season Tickets to DPAC for 2011-2012 season:  Memphis * The Addams Family * Bring It On: The Musical * Wicked (Mother's Day with Mom & Sister) * West Side Story * Chicago.  Notable Movies of 2012:  The Hunger Games, Man on a Ledge, Big Miracle, The Vow, Gone, The Lorax, The Lucky One, Five Year Engagement, Brave, Magic Mike, People Like Us, Madea's Witness Protection, The Campaign, The Odd Life of Timothy Green, The Words, Pitch Perfect, Anna Karenina, Lincoln, Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part II, The Hobbit, Le Miserables, Parental Guidance, The Promised Land. 

Outside of the plethora of entertainment, January is a whirlwind (one of those months I really don't remember), February is full of fun birthdays - I took my sister on a fabulous birthday scavenger hunt!  March we celebrated more birthdays, one of which was my sweet niece's 4th birthday!  April took us to the North Carolina Aquarium for a Home School day with Jamie and the kids.  May took me to Emerald Isle for a couple of quick trips.  This was also the month we began to say goodbye to my bestie, Wheela who moved to Charlotte.  That was a tough time, but we got her good with a Bon Voyage party at Sitti. :) June (my birthday month) was full of surprises - spent the day with the aforementioned bestie and then had a wonderful dinner at Poole's Diner (this place is AMAZING).  There were quite a few other surprises, but my favorite was when Jamie & Allison brought the kids and we had a great day at the pool and fun surprises that day.  Most of the weekends over the summer, I was found at the pool.  July, I got my first tattoo (something on my bucket list) - an Eiffel Tower on my right ankle.  July and August were quite difficult with health issues, but that's a different story.  August was adorned with a wedding for my sweet Millie and a 1st Birthday Party for my best friend in RMT's baby Brannan.  September... oh September (and just literally the first week of September)... a whirlwind trip to New York City (for the very first time) - seeing the sites (lots of them in a short period of time) and Madonna in the new Yankee Stadium.  Thank goodness for the best travel partner, Suman!  Literally the day after I returned from NYC, we celebrated my smart and funny nephew's 6th birthday!  October brought Paris' 3rd birthday and homemade Halloween costumes for the coolest kids!  November was not uneventful - I began the process of the Gastric Bypass surgery.  I also spent Thanksgiving with the family and the two turkeys that occupy my time when I am home.  December was full of tests, doctors appointments, evaluations and phone calls for medical records... and a wonderful concert... Dave Matthews Band and The Lumineers!!!  But once I turned that corner at Christmas, I was on my way!!  December 26th started the beginning of the rest of my life with the surgery.

And here I am, January 1, 2013 reflecting on all that I can honestly remember at this point.  And it is enough.  It is more than enough.  I have the best life... the best friends... the best family... I couldn't ask for more.  Do I ever feel alone?  Sure.  Do I ever wish I had someone to come home to?  Sure (I come home to my 4-legged kid for now).  Do I ever regret anything I've done or any choices I've made?  Absolutely 100% NO.

So should old times be forgot?  Nope.  They should be remembered fondly, learned from and reflected on.  Look how much things have changed since January 1, 2012... it's unfathomable.

Kell